Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Gates Of Despair

Lurking about me continuously are gates of despair, entreating me to walk right through them to a land where all has gone wrong. The gates are wide open and inviting and there seems to be much comfort in the act of slipping through past their entrance, but I know that the other side is full of darkness. I know that the only easy thing is passing through those gates because once I’m in, these gates will shrink and they will no longer be inviting they will be distant, and they will no longer lurk about me they will be evasive. I will be in a dark hole and all the while given the chance from one spiral of despair to yet another.

The dark gates call on to me continuously. When my day is rough, when the going gets tough, when I’m tired and lost with so much left to do and think about. Why must I wrestle so much with these invitations, they seem to ask me to let go of all I have. But I can see no future in accepting this invitation; nothing but the momentary comfort of accepting it and the temporary relief of these battles.

Must life be so hard? Is it the same with everyone around? Or is it just me? It’s becoming harder for me to survive, harder for me to do the things I should, harder for me to finish the tasks I have. In the past things were easier, my tasks would be clear and my path would be vivid. But now… why has everything easy been replaced with struggle and where is that young man who found everything easy to do?

That young man would comfort friends and glide through troubled paths with confidence and grace. Those gates of despair were always behind him, trying to catch up but failing and he in turn never looked back. Maybe he slowed down and became me, and now those gates have caught up with me. I fight their invitations but every now and then I think of what it would be to accept their invitation and fall into one comfortable spiral of despair.

What other gates await? What other gates are fast on my track I wonder. I must keep going forward and though the climb is steep, but surely there will come a time that I will be able to travel downhill. I know that one fights off what he can in order to become all that he could…


Anonymous said...

"Must life be so hard? Is it the same with everyone around? Or is it just me?"

it's the same for some people, it is always like that for me.

Wael Eskandar said...

well I guess I'm not alone.. and for some unfathomable reason things get better when we're not alone.

Anonymous said...

rest assured, you're not alone.