Thursday, July 05, 2007


Hisham is a friend of mine who I've known for 12 years. We lived together and went to college together and have been very close ever since we met. There are so many things we did together and so many jokes and situations that have developed between us; there was a real kinship. A few months back he disappeared. He didn't disappear from the face of the earth, he just ignored my calls, my SMS, blocked me on msn, had his mother tell me he wasn't home and basically just decided to cut me off completely for no reason.

You can tell I was very upset by the whole matter and I could have drove to his house or work and confronted him or done something of that sort, but I didn't. In the very end the problem with friendship is that it's like an AND gate, both parties have to be willing to continue this friendship. Turns out later that he cut all of his friends off. It got me wondering, what can make a man make that dramatic switch, cut all his friends off and just start something new.

People are sometimes driven to the very end of their capacities and they break. I wonder if that's what happened to Hisham. He was going through a very rough time before this incident and it seems that he was thinking of escape for quite some time. Is this a legitimate escape or is it just denial, I can never tell. I've been told by someone that everyone has their own circumstances and that I should be more understanding. Lately I haven't been understanding at all. I've been a bit more egocentric and more worried about myself than others. Like this whole affair, I thought about Hisham acting like a girl, only a girl would not answer calls and escape confrontation. Perhaps that's part of the reason why I didn't force a confrontation, because he's not a girl I'm pursuing or interested in. Girls in general have their own way of dealing with things that are not common to men. Men can talk to each other and confront each other and just cuss all night at each other before such evasive actions. Girls can be more problematic and expect you to understand them without them having to explain. I think the least you owe to a friend whether you're a boy or a girl is an explanation.

Anyway, I can't be sure what drove Hisham crazy. I'm not even sure if he has gone crazy but he's still at his work, talking to people and that is an indication he has some level of sanity. One time a friend of ours came from Saudi Arabia and I told him this scenario, he was convinced that I had done something wrong. He called Hisham and when he picked up, he and acted very natural and friendly during the call, but after it was over, Hisham never picked up again; another friend cut off.

I've always knew that people can snap. Even me. The reason why I say even me isn't because I'm any better, but because it may be hard for a person to admit that he can lose his mind one day. I’m usually not easily shocked, cool headed, rational, a realist and can keep my head; I don't know what would drive me to snap, but I'm sure there's something that can, that's why I can expect it for others.

Hisham has always been a kind, good natured guy who you can sometimes trample over. He was very forgiving and slightly innocent and his kindness gave the impression he was a bit naïve. Along the road, some life changing events have happened that made him realize that he was actually losing by being kind, good natured and forgiving. I suppose that's what he wanted to change and did not want any of the old guard to be around to remind him of who he was. I think he was pushed around and silent far too much and then he exploded, or imploded not sure which. In any case, he decided to start anew and go towards a new and improved state.

My reaction now is different. I knew the old person in him, and I was that person's friend, in a way, that person is still in there and I have to wish him the best of luck even after having forfeited my friendship. I realize that people snap.

The hardest question was, do I let go, or do I hold it against him. It's tough cause both are strengths and both are things I can do. Letting go has a few drawbacks, and one of them is that you're viewed as a weak character, but in effect it's the best thing for anyone to do. Letting go is the key to a better life for anyone. It's being resilient in the face of calamity and being the better person and being the happier person when nothing negative resides in your heart. Letting go is also the key to not snapping. If you can't let go, you'll snap. I think that most people hold on too dearly for things that they can't get, and that's why they snap, because of expectations held on to with much more vigor can pull you down till you break.

I choose not to hold a grudge and that dims my shiny 'strong' qualities. I've been harsh and strong for so many times, and I don't need to prove it anymore and I don't need it to shine anymore. What I need now is to be able to let go and not let things affect me. Forgiveness is very powerful because its strength lies in the ability to liberate one self from negative feelings. But one thing remains… it may be easy to forgive but it is very hard to forget.


Anonymous said...

Have you tried flat out asking him what's up and why he's acting this way? I guess if he was an important enough friend I would do that before moving on.

Anonymous said...

i was once told that letting go means i am irresponsible... turns out it is a blessing really.. to be able to not care anymore!!

forgetting is extremely hard, sometimes it's a good thing cause after all we need to remember what life taught us through experience, thing is we have to take the whole package!

Wael Eskandar said...

Nilegirl: Emails, his friends, his brothers and through sms, through all means of asynchronous communication I've asked him. No response.. of course I've asked.

Anonymous said...

he doesn't want to talk to some people and you equate that to losing one's mind?

Were you there for him during his hard time? If you tried and he did not allow you, maybe it's because he finds it 'easier' to cope on his own and does not think that a friendship can withstand what he is going through.

I think this is about him not you

Wael Eskandar said...

Reader, I agree that it's about him not me. However, I have been there for him during the hard time which makes it perplexing. I think there's something mental about letting go of all the friends you know most of your adult life for no good reason. I understand some need to be alone, but it becomes tedious if I'm uninformed.

N said...

letting go is about accepting that whatever is happening is happening for a reason and you minding it wont change.

he'll come back and explain one day.

the lonely twin said...

I understand hisham a bit... spare him a bit... you never know what's going through his mind

Unknown said...

I think I can relate to the way hisham has been acting, I've acted that way around most of my friends with no justification whatsoever,

couldn't even explain it to myself, anyways the friends that were meant to last,spared me the blame, the meaningless conversations about why anyone would act this way, and accepted whatever it is that i've been through.

I think you shouldn't let go just yet,