Confidence

What Confidence is, is that which cannot be explained. It is as mysterious as all other words that link the tangible with the intangible, the physical with the spiritual, the seen with the unseen, as mysterious as faith, for it is a kind of faith, faith in yourself. If you don’t have it, then you have no power but when you do have it, then you have a vast power that is not supported or justified by anything except the fact that you have that mysterious faith in yourself.

It is very strange; to be worth nothing at first, but just by having confidence and nothing more, be truly worth something. It is both a feeling and a quality simultaneously, not a very common combination but in it is where the magic lies. It can’t be taught and no one can convince you of it, but it has to come from where it will reside, from within.

But sometimes a really honest and penetrating look towards yourself can help you. Questions arise like, do I want people’s approval? Do I desire happiness? These questions are answered usually by a ‘Yes’, but then the most logical question is triggered, “How can people love you if you don’t love yourself? How can people believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself?”. You don’t have to be smart, good looking, funny or with any outstanding qualities to love and believe in yourself. You have to be honest and have confidence, that’s all there is to it.

But how can this be? Not having anything and yet having faith in yourself? Does it not seem slightly impractical?

You are Adam and you are Eve for whom this world was made. You are God’s creation and with all your flaws and all your virtues, you exist. No need to be shy, no need to grumble, you have to enjoy the world that was made for you. Before you start loving your virtues and qualities, love your flaws and who you are. Change what you want, be who you want but love yourself and have faith in you.

On a day, long ago, I despised what I was and how I looked and how I acted and what I was worth, and I deserved all that because I hated me, and I had no faith in me. But in a day I changed and loved what I was and how I looked and how I acted and what I was worth and though nothing had changed about me, I deserved that love that I bore myself and that faith I had in myself, and all that I deserved just for having confidence in myself. It changed what I was worth from nothing to everything.

Confidence is not what the strongest, the prettiest, the fastest or the smartest people have for there is always someone who is better, bigger, stronger, prettier, faster, smarter. Confidence is what Adam and Eve have, God’s creation, beautiful in their imperfection accepting what cannot be changed and changing what can be bettered.

21st June 2003