A Difference Observed

The real difference between Arab terrorists and Western terrorists is that the former don't have powerful governments to hide behind and use to inflict the acts of terror.

Ideas Worth Discarding

I have an idea, it may be a crazy one, but most great ones are. The problem with our government is the 'us and them' effect. Those who object to it, object to it fully and unconditionally. Those who are for it are hypocrites and never criticize it. The fact of the matter is that the government shuts up anyone who criticizes it because it can, and I suppose it does. It shuts up the rest who want to kiss ass by giving them money to do it, but it isn't real. The real victims are the honest people working in the government. Granted they are a handful, but I think they deserve our support. 

Let's face it, the government with its brutal police has a grip of steel that cannot be shaken. The government is there to stay and we have to do something about it. I was once told by a friend that the power of the press comes from the effect that everyone's looking at you and possibly giving you that look of condemnation such that life becomes miserable. Like if you're going to a party, everyone brings you shame by bringing up the same piece of information and you have to deal with and so on. In order to get praise instead of condemnation, you try fixing things and then maybe, just maybe you get people off your back at least. 

The power of protests and press is the power of headache, at which point the victim tries to find medicine to ease its pain. If you're in the right, you can probably have enough power to shake it off, but when you know you're wrong, you're in a Raskolnikov situation. 

I say we use that power, but here's the crazy bit. In order to make our protests more heard, let's give positive feedback to what good that has been done. I know it's like looking for a needle in a haystack, but there are probably certain things that really stand out. For starters, there is an army facility that provides first class service, I mean, it's the real deal, you take a number, sit in an air conditioned room with a cafeteria, wait for your turn, find out where within the processes your papers are and even the estimated time before you're served.  Now that deserves support and approval. I suppose there are many other things done by good people that deserve this sort of recognition.

I will call the new gathering an 'Approval', this way we can really be able to comment on what happens around us. Sometimes we need to agree and protest in order to keep the balance. I don't want to suck up to the government or anything of that sort, I'd like to be objective. For example, I'd like to approve of having no foreign expert monitor our borders, and I want to protest as well about our government selling its soul to America. It's only logical to support anything against selling our soul.

Anyway, it's a crazy idea, but I thought I'd let it out and be laughed at. I for one would have ripped it apart if I read it somewhere and I'd call its initiator a hypocritical or sentimental fool. I'm sure that the government will smile when it is praised like it always does, and arrest the protestors when they protest as it always does. But I can't help but think, what would people do when they see an approval that has not been paid for, something from within protestors who just want to be objective?  Will it make a difference for people to get uncontrived affection that hasn't been bought?

If we approve certain things, will our protests be heard a little better? I haven't studied political science to find out if this was tried or would work but I think that if it were possible, it would have been done. I suppose that such ideas belong inside the head.

But the real reason I thought about this is that within the last few weeks, I've been told that Egypt was better than other places. Yes it was better than the gulf where no one is allowed to speak up and there was less hope of democracy. It was better with its free internet that was being fought through media and police rather than by complete restriction (probably because they can’t afford the proxies and the hassle). It was better than dictatorships where half the citizens police the rest. It's better than many other places for a lot of other reasons, but the real shame, the real shame is that it could have been much better. 

I still don't know what it would take to turn things around. We're balanced at the edge of great things but also at the edge of doom. I would rather the whole system changed, the whole corrupt rule. But the web is too sticky too well weaved to take down. I'm just thinking, but just like my good ideas, bad ones like these won't make a difference.

The New Hitler

In a post that I wrote less than a year ago entitled European Guilt, I tried explaining why I thought Israel is backed by America and Europe. They were just thoughts, but I still believe them to be true. But more than that, I'm hoping that my expectations come true as well.

 "Today their hands are against their ears when it comes to the violations of Israel, but history sometimes, just some times, screams the facts much later on. As ironically as the Arabs have become the new Jews, Israel has become the new Hitler. The dead are screaming from beneath the earth for those living to take heed to what has happened to them."

 

There are more dead to scream from their graves, and Israel's Nazi ways are becoming more and more extreme. Nazi - I mean Israeli propaganda has stretched every lie till they all broke. A poor and powerless world was represented by a respected red cross agency that wasn't allowed to do what it does and a UN agency under fire by the IAF using illegal ammunition.

 

Even American reports have dared to finally hint that Israel is keeping press out to commit atrocities. Can the world and particularly the Americans face the fact that they've been hoodwinked for so long?

 

Israel has circulated the same lies over and over again. It's simple to say you've bombed a school because Hamas was firing from there. Who's going to call you a liar when Hamas is the devil himself? It's easy to say that Hamas fired from a hospital. Who's going to question you? Israel has even bombed a UN building, but it doesn't matter, Hamas is the usual scapegoat. I believe that Israel can now safely bomb Disneyland and claim that Hamas was shooting at them from inside.

 

I guess what I'm pondering over is whether this is the start of the collapse of Israel's image in the West. I'm hoping it is just for the sake of the abolition of lies nothing else. Unfortunately, I also know that Israel's media and lobby is as brutal as its military, giving its opponents no choice, and no breaks.

 

There's a chance that the horrible crimes of the Israeli Defence Forces will be buried together with the bodies of innocent women and children. But how long can Israel hide behind a curtain of superiority?

 

Israel ignores the world, thinking its right to safety is above international law, above the will of all nations. Imagine the shock of Americans to finally see that they're being bullied by Israel through a powerful lobby and biased media. I would love to see the look on their face when they realize they're imprisoned by bars made of lies.

 

America thinks it can back Israel because it's the right moral choice, but if the blindfold of a biased media is lifted and the truth of a terrorist Israeli State is unveiled, could America have the guts to end its support for Israel's terrorist ways?

 

The fight against terrorism is closer to America's heart than it had realized. They didn't have to travel to Afghanistan or Iraq to fight terror. They had to travel to their news stations and their media, they had to look into their lobbies and their businesses to find out what terror is all about.

 

I wonder if guilt will catch up with Americans. I wonder if people's minds can change. I wonder if the rest of the world will watch itself be bullied and I wonder if things can change.

The Balfour Declaration

Palestine For The Jews. 

Mr. Balfour has sent the following letter to Lord Rothschild in regard to the establishment of a national home in Palestine for the Jewish people:- 

I have much pleasure in conveying to you, on behalf of his Majesty's Government, the following declaration of sympathy with Jewish Zionist aspirations which has been submitted to and approved by the Cabinet:- 

His Majesty's Government view with favour the establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people, and will use their best endeavours to facilitate the achievement of this object, it being clearly understood that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-Jewish communities in Palestine, or the rights and political status enjoyed by Jews in any other country. I should be grateful if you would bring this declaration to the knowledge of the Zionist Federation.

Source: The Times Archive ,  November 9, 1917

A Spell of Sorts

There is something powerful in the  whispering  of obscenities about those in power. There's something delightful about it, something naughty, secretive, forbidden, thrilling. It's like a spell of sorts. It deflates them, reduces them to the common denominator where they can be dealt with.

Margaret Atwood - A Handmaid's Tale

An Unexplained Sadness

There is a sadness in my own eyes that I can see but cannot comprehend. It is a result of a drift in my essence that is so far from what should have been so that all that remains is sadness. It's such a tiresome journey to walk through life with all its sadness and troubles and all what entails. There's so much wrong that cannot be made right just by one decision, there must be a multitude of them to turn things around.

I wonder what it was that first drew me to this sad and contrived way of life, was it the lack of something or was it something else. Like all my friends I realize the that as time passes chances grow fewer and in effect have done more when older than when I was younger. What does it all mean though, is there something beyond?

And Still the Drums Keep Beating

I've put this up before, but it appears it's worth putting up again, and again. I'm not entirely sure when this poem will stop being relevant.

Enemy Drums


I woke up to the sound of drums,
But it wasn't music, they were bombs,
Yet with precision was the rhythm of their sound,
Every two seconds, three would hit the ground.

Four of my neighbor's five children died,
And the only one that had survived,
Buried his siblings all day long,
Wondering what it was they did wrong.

The sound of bombs muted our own,
And this was no longer for us a home,
But there’s no escape from where we are,
The helping hands and hearts are far.

But it wasn’t that which choked our souls,
To hear the news was like eating burning coals,
Three were wounded from the enemy’s side,
While a hundred of my neighbors died.

Yet the story of those three was written in one big page,
Condemnation was bitter and it was told with such rage,
And the hundred were mentioned in half a line,
All tears for us just had to be dried.

We’re dying but terrorists is what we’re called,
They play their drums, but we’re appalled.
The voices of hundreds who died unheard,
Pleads of wailing mothers deferred.

The news, it burns, it tells their story,
And it seems as though they suffer with glory.
But in our land we’re slaughtered and killed,
And their lust for murder is never fulfilled.

So hear my voice or let me die,
Listen to my truth and decide if it’s a lie,
But don’t keep me waiting for too long,
I’m dead very soon, and I’ll take you along.

I’m a rat in a cage, tortured without end,
The torturer kills and for help he will send,
He'll cry like a victim and torture again,
Strong are his allies and feeble are my friends.

Not a word of those four children was said,
They’re sleeping in their graves, their killers in their beds.
Those innocent dead are criminals in the world’s eyes,
And still the drums keep beating with lyrics made of lies.

7 ½ Reasons Why I Hate My Lovely iPod

Every time the word iPod is mentioned in a conversation someone has to interrupt, sigh and say dreamily: 'I love my iPod', as if this line were as mandatory the Ezzat Abou Ouf appearance in every new Arabic movie released. The truth is that the iPod is one of the most overrated devices known to man. Most people have been brain washed into thinking that the best MP3 players are produced by Apple Computers, so much so, that the word MP3 player has been conveniently replaced by iPod.

This couldn't be farther from the truth and it might startle some to read that the super expensive iPod they just bought isn't the best player in the market and that he could have bought something better for a lesser price. There are many MP3 players out there and have surpassed iPods in many aspects.

For example, the player with the best features as reviewed by CNET is from Creative; Sony has the player with the longest best battery life, not iPods and much to the dismay of iPod owners who take pride in quality, Creative provides the players with the highest sound quality. Although iPods look sleek with appealing simplicity, beneath their shiny exterior are enormous shortcomings that have been masterfully camouflaged solely by good marketing.

I need an MP3 player that works as storage and a player simultaneously, one that can record and tune in to the radio. I'd like to features that make my life easier since I'm already carrying the damn thing with me all the time. Is that too much to ask? Apparently Apple thinks so.

Since MP3 players are very personal, let me list a summary of reasons why I personally hate iPods:

1- No Radio

Other MP3 players can tune in to a radio station, why not mine?

 

2 - No Voice Recorder

Whether you're interviewing someone or want to record a business meeting, or just someone who wants to create voice memos, you'd like to be able to do that using your MP3 player that you already carry around. Not with the iPod.

 

3- Unintuitive Media Transfer

Why can't I just drag my music to the iPod? I do that with most other MP3 players. Heck I even do that with the iPod when I want to use it as storage, why then must it be so difficult to transfer an MP3 to my iPod? Even techies find it tedious and that really says something!! Which brings us to…

 

4- Either Player or Storage

Once it's on the pod it can never go back. If you transfer a song to your iPod you can't copy it back to your PC, it's not an option, not in a straight forward manner anyway. You can transfer the song as a file using your explorer but then you can't play it on your iPod. You have to choose between using your iPod as storage or as a player.

 

5- Very Proprietary

Proprietary software, gadgets or formats are the reason why I have a stack of Sony's failed Betamax tapes unable to play them except on an old Sony VCR. It is also the same reason why some of you might have a stack of the now defunct mini discs also by Sony (but Sony and proprietary gadgets is another story).

iPods are reminiscent of such a disaster, without the proprietary iPod cable I'm completely lost. I can't charge my iPod nor connect to a computer. A standard cable can connect your camera, your hard drive and your MP3 player to the computer and is widely available with other products, this kind of connection is provided by Sandisk's Sansa players for example. If Apple chooses to discontinue these cables then you're in a jam and might have difficulty finding places to buy these cables if you value an old iPod.

But even with the proprietary cable packed you still need iTunes, you can't simply copy music that you like from a friend's PC to the iPod. You either need your laptop or iTunes everywhere you go. As if that's not enough, you need to register your iPod on any new iTunes on a new computer which means you have to carry around more software and information.

Most people I know have suffered from iTunes in one way or another. Even though iTunes is freely available the internet there's no version of iTunes under Linux.

 

6- Lacks Other Features

To record a radio program is obviously not available and transferring a video to iPod is a hassle. You can't transfer a video of your choice, the formats supported are limited. But that's not all, there are some innovative features provided by other MP3 players that have probably not even been considered in iPods. Some MP3 players have a memory slot of SD cards for example, others create a playlist for the most played songs automatically.

 

7 - More for Less

 With such a limited feature set, you end up paying much more for much less.

 

7 ½ - Pretentious

This is the most subjective of all of my reasons, and that's why I will count it as half a reason. People don't look for features, they just simply pick the iPod knowing that Apple products are hard to pick up just anywhere in Egypt. There is a halo around the iPod which no one wants to desecrate only to sound like a fool. I know the choice can be a result of not knowing better or just not seeing enough MP3 players, but to accept that iPods are the best based on reputation is dogmatic to say the least and something I find resentful.

iPod users have faced many more problems while using the iPod for example updating the firmware, conversions and battery life. Most iPod reviews are about look, feel and usability. But in all fairness to the just defamed iPod, the concept of 'the best' is subjective. One might prefer lack of features of the iPod (aka simplicity) and another might actually enjoy tediousness of using the non intuitive and proprietary method of connecting the iPod to the computer.

But in the end, anyone half as frustrated as I am with the overrated iPod will be happy to know that they have a choice and it's nowhere close to just settling for the next best thing.

*Expanded from the form published on The Daily News Egypt

http://www.thedailynewsegypt.com/article.aspx?ArticleID=18575

Please observe the numerous negative comments at the end by hardcore iPod users, highly entertaining.

A Note From The Underground

Apparently the coins I have aren't real money. This is a note from the underground. But let's start at the beginning. Out of Ramsis I decided to take the metro to my place. I had a 20 pound bill and some coins amount to 1 L.E. so I decided to use the coins consisting of a 50 pt coin, four 10pt coins and two 5pt coins to buy a metro ticket. All of this amounts to 1 L.E, the price for a metro ticket

When I went up to the ticket booth and handed the employee my coins amounting to 1 L.E, he protested and refused to take the money. The reason he protested was that I had given him coins to purchase my ticket. He told me that this wasn't money and that there was no way he could give this to someone as change. He directed me to his manager upon my request and I started my discussion.

I said, "I want to buy a ticket".

He responded, "I can't give this money to a customer, I'm sorry I can't accept it."

I said, "But this is money."

He said, "Who says this is money?"

I replied, "The Arab Republic of Egypt says that it's money. Who are you to not accept it?"

"How can I give this change to someone? Would you accept this sort of change?"

"I would," I said, "You just have to deliver this change to the right people, right?"

"No," he said, "The smallest bill I deliver is a 5 L.E bill, so this is unacceptable."

"Where's your manager?" I asked.

"He's on the other side, take the next staircase right," he said indifferently.

I went to the police station and asked for the person in charge, I had time and I wanted to get to the bottom of this. I asked them how it was possible that people working in the Metro, which is a public form of transportation, not accept the coins issued by the Arab Republic of Egypt. I used the full term, the Arab Republic of Egypt and sounded like an idiot using it but I didn't care, I had coins that were issued by the government and I wasn't going to let some employee at a booth tell me I wasn't allowed to use them.

The people in the police station were complacent. They really didn't care at all about my problem. It was too trivial and too inconsequential for them. Apparently I seemed so infuriated and unrelenting that the guy who seemed to be in charge told the other plain clothed policeman to handle it. "This is nonsense of course," he said nonchalantly, "this is money and should be accepted."

The plain clothed policeman simply went over to another booth and asked for a ticket with my change, problem solved. This wasn't the solution that I'd hoped for. I don't want to be the exception to the rule. I'd rather that the metro people took the money or the government stopped making these bloody coins.

But such is the case of our country. The man at the booth silently took the money and gave the officer a ticket. The officer then looked at me sordidly and said, 'Kol Sana Wenta Tayeb', which means may every year find you in good health. It was Eid. Before I walked off completely he added, "This is the principle of the Pharoahs, people need to be intimidated to do their job."

It was very sad because it was very true, all solutions are exceptional. People aren't willing to do what's right without the intimidation. The gap between the government and the people is growing wider.

I went back to that manager and told him I bought the ticket. "Have you no fear of God," I asked. Since he had a beard he was deeply offended and thought he'd get back at me. "Have you no fear of God, for giving me all these coins?" he asked.  What ensued was an exchange of words all very un-insulting and full of blame. I blamed him for not taking the money since they were what the government gave us and he blamed me for trying to pass around this money (as if it were counterfeit).

I don't know now if I acted correctly claiming my ticket with this money. It seems that these coins mean nothing to the people anymore. The guys in the booth care nothing for it and they've stated explicitly that people on the metro want nothing of it either. Are we rich enough to discard the small change? In Europe I still get the change of 1 cent when buying things from a supermarket.

What startled me most is that the government or something like public transport doesn't accept the money produced by the State. The good news is that a State divided upon itself cannot stand, the bad news is that till it falls, its people suffer. This has been a note from the real Egyptian underground. The summary is that small coins don't really work underground.

Birell Promotes Stupidity

I just finished watching a much talked about Birell ad and I'm completely disgusted. Never have 28 seconds so fully summarized the entire problem with Egyptian men in Egypt as did this advertisement. The advertisement shows a beautiful girl saying hello to one of four guys, the remaining three look back at him with disgust when he says she has a great personality. The advertisement tells us that the girl's personality is the last thing you can comment on if you're a man. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not that touchy about humorous sexist remarks, I can laugh at them as much as the next male chauvinist pig (I found the one about Tamer Hosny singing at the wedding funny for example). The problem with the advertisement isn't only that it was extremely sexist, stupid and not even funny; the real problem is that the situation was too real for comfort, reflecting an existing attitude with the result that any hint of sarcasm or humor was simply unreachable. In effect the advertisement is just a documentation of real life situations that I myself as a man experience, and much like those real experiences this advertisement nearly caused me to puke.

There is as much humor or wit in the ad as there is alcohol in Birell, which is needless to say ZERO. It's sad how Birell is trying to imitate the alcoholic beer ads abroad but just as the product is lacking in the most lively component, the advertisement lack in intelligence all of its bitter taste none of its wit. The result is a despicable mindless advertisement that can only be found to be amusing by idiots. 

I feel insulted as a man because this advertisement tells me that I have to be a complete bonehead if I am to be a man and to only think of a body when thinking of a woman; to treat a woman as a person is not manly apparently. Well I'd rather not be a man if that's what a man is expected to be. 

But seriously though, who are they kidding? Could anything be more pathetic than a bunch of kids trying to be men by drinking non alcoholic beer? Ever thought of a real beer advertiser looking at this ad? I'd bet he'd be thinking, be a man, drink REAL beer. I could do the same and call them a bunch of sissies, but rather than revert to their juvenile ways I would rather point out their hypocrisy since drinking beer isn't the macho standard. 

The reason why Birell exists should have been to enjoy the taste of beer without necessarily getting drunk after drinking a few. Either that, or come as close as possible to being a real man (drinking beer) without invoking Islamic guilt. Now, if morality is so important, what kind of message are they spreading by encouraging young kids to be mindless and think of women as sex objects? So it's okay to think of sex with a woman but not to drink alcohol? What a skewed sense of morality, and indeed this is exactly what's wrong with our society. Morals are skewed in young minds that have been shut down in the face of dogma.

People choose a moronic attitude towards anything where ever a norm has already been established. They choose not to think when it comes to women, they choose not to think when it comes to religion and slowly this attitude of stupidity is seeping into aspects of every day life. The end result will cause the Birell ad to be almost prophetic, young mindless kids pretending to be men and eventually running the country.

There is already a mounting pressure in society for conformity; the pressure of being a man through the eyes of society is evident through this ad. Many of the men I met are just that way, extending their moronic and dogmatic views to women's sexual appetite, virginity, language and so on.

Double standards are certainly the easiest key to identifying an inactive mind. The same people who put pressure on men to act like 'men' and ignore a girl's personality claim to value their mothers greatly. It seems that even the concept of a mother is objectified in a society too mindless to realize that mothers are female and were once girls whose personalities were demanded to be ignored. 

I'm not sure if I can demand an apology from Birell for insulting men and women that way, because in a sense their defense can be that this is reality. I think it's wrong for media to promote these ideas not on the grounds of any censorship but based on the common sense that when things are illogical and insulting, they just shouldn't be allowed on television.

The Gov That Failed

What has the government done ever since it took hold of our lives in '52? That new revolutionary government had failed in every aspect and yet it holds on to power. It is evident then that this power is selfish and does not and will not serve the people. To all those deluded into thinking that our government is anything but a failure, they have my deepest sympathies.

The government we have is the most hateful of all governments, and if it were a true democracy, it would never have existed. I will not call our government a mafia, lest they put a contract out on my head, but I will compare their actions to a mob. They want to serve no one but themselves and in their selfishness they've contradicted the reason for their own existence.

I thought once of writing a letter to each one of them, and very sincerely, but I realize now that it was very juvenile. Their humanity has ceased to exist. When I look at a police officer I see a mafia boss not a citizen on patrol. When I look at a minister I see a thief and when I look at a congressman I see a deviant.

We're in a jungle like in that movie, The Beach. We're surrounded by the drug dealers who care for nothing but their profits. It's funny how so many people are still asleep. It's funny how they're like battered beaten wives who stick to their husbands. This country's government doesn't deserve my loyalty, it hasn't earned it. The country itself has been betrayed by its keepers.

I'm ruled by oppressors. Luckily I'm writing this in English. These bloody oppressors don’t even want people to call them what they are. Why is it that I feel this way? It's simple, I don't like bullshit and there would be too much of it if I endorsed the charade that's going on around me called government. I have always had a very good sense with who to trust or believe and I know for sure that the entire government is full of lies.

It's a government that failed, and its failure is what we must endure. I wish I could fend it off and I wish there were some way to eradicate it, but it's there to stay.

Eclipse

All that you touch

All that you see

All that you taste

All you feel.

All that you love

All that you hate

All you distrust

All you save.

All that is now

All that is gone

All that's to come

And everything under the sun is in tune

But the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

Eclipse by Pink Floyd

I know not how to describe great events that I happen to witness. I fail as a writer to bring anyone closer to what events around me may have inspired. This is perhaps because I myself am seldom inspired by what goes on around me. I lack the vocabulary of words to describe the material things that happen around me. I don't know all the different shades of colors nor the proper names for the types of clothing and worse yet I don't know the names of sounds and I can't describe the visuals and the imagery that surrounds me. 

Come to think of it, there's not much there is that I take pleasure in when it comes to events, books and arts. My taste is limited to a handful of writers, musicians and film makers. My tastes are simple, moderate and predictable, very much like me. I dislike naivety and I possess a bitter distaste for needless sophistication. My tastes reflect those of a normal human being somewhere within the wide range of a simpleton and an aristocrat. 

I have no tolerance for things that do not communicate to me. Mindless entertainment is not my thing. I haven't seen enough great things to want to move beyond what is objectively good and venture into the absurd and incomprehensible. I'm already overwhelmed by things I already do understand and that's why I can't appreciate as yet the things that try to go beyond. 

Like I said it might be because I haven't seen enough, but more likely than not it's because I process things too analytically with my mind. That's why things have to make sense before I can appreciate them.

I suppose I could be at a disadvantage for not being a 'feeler', but there's a plus side to my nature. To be able to take in feelings through the mind's channel is to be able to express my feelings through the same channel. 

So despite my inability to express well the events that surround me, my gift, I've often felt, was to express the feelings inside me. I possess a vocabulary of thoughts, not words, that deciphers and expresses my feelings and that's where I’m at an advantage.

Forget the plethora of lucid and decorated words that fill the pages of a paper or magazine. They are words used as pathetic fallacy to bring us closer to the hypnotic effects of an art piece or performance. They are a disguise to be objective about how art makes us feel by attributing the imagery to the art work itself rather than our inner feelings. The truth will always remain in what we feel and how we feel things.

I don't care much anymore for what I say or how I say it. There's beauty in finding our own way of saying something that's already been said. I fail to see the point of having someone write your words except if you really want to share it with the world and bring them closer to you. 

I'm told sometimes that I say so little about myself when I express my thoughts. I try to talk in general rather than talk about specifics. I'm not sure how it's possible to observe this while I pour my heart out through my thoughts. Which is better to say, that I have too much work or that I'm overwhelmed from the world to the point of breaking?

To me the latter says more, does it really matter that work is doing this to me or just plain old life? Is it important to talk about the life, the kind of work I do, the kind of subjects I studied, or is it more important to talk about what I love to do, what I've learned and what effects life has had on me.

In my thoughts are a thousand pieces of my soul, I'd rather pour out the pieces of my soul than pour out the pieces of my material body. In my thoughts are feelings around which my world revolves. 

Yet now, words fail me, thoughts fail me and I'm not fully able to describe what I best describe. I'm left with little words and little thoughts to explain my own self now and how I feel. The rhythm in my head has stopped, and the words don't flow as they once did. In my head the sentences don't form at the right beat, there's an irregular latency that spoils any harmony that used to exist. The words don't travel all at once as they did.

I'm at a loss for words, the kind of words that would best explain what I'm thinking and feeling. I know I'm thinking though, but there's a rock mingled with the thoughts inside my head as they all float together. The thoughts are thought, but then damaged by the rock, never fully making their way out of my head. 

Is that how it feels not to know what you're feeling? Like a maze with the truth at its exit, a truth about your thoughts and feelings. Only you've lost your orientation and the plan to exit the maze got jumbled up.

A Moment in a Million Years

The lights are slowly fading down

There's no one else, just you and me

Nothing ever changed

I see your faces in the crowd

It seems I know each one of you

For all my life

I wish this night could last forever

But it's time to go

I saw you laugh, I saw you cry

All for one and one for all

Nothing ever changed

The way you sang just blew my mind

It gave me chills from head to toe

What a glorious night

To me it could have lasted forever

But it's time to go

A moment in a million years

Is all I've got for you

A moment in a million years

To make some dreams come true

A moment that I won't forget

Until the day I die

A moment in a million years

Called life

The bus is waiting right outside

To hit the road and once again

I leave you all behind

I chase another dream tonight

And by the time you'll be home

I'll be far away

I wish this night could last forever

It's time to go

A moment in a million years

Is all I've got for you

A moment in a million years

To make some dreams come true

A moment that I won't forget

Until the day I die

A moment in a million years

Called life

Words and Music by Klaus Meine

Scorpions

When someone dies whom you've known just over the internet, there's no news and no way to tell. There's just an absence that cannot be explained. Many people I know have disappeared, how many of them are still alive?

I don't know what this song is about, but it's about a certain kind of end. A moment in a million years called life, that's what we have. What do we do? Make the best of it?

Body of Lies

"So what do you prefer to eat?" Di Caprio asks two young Iranian children living in Jordan. They answer, "Burgers and Spaghetti." In the film theatre, both of my friends on either side cringe at the same time after hearing the answer; it's so like Hollywood they say when I ask them later. I didn't understand what's too Hollywood exactly, the film or our lives.

For some reason or another I was the only one who saw this as a reflection of reality. The irony is that both my friends are ardent fans of reality being represented accurately in movies; I'm not dead set on it. It really got me wondering why two of the biggest fans of reality rejected it. Did they not really think it was a real answer or was there something more to it?

In all my life around the Arab world, I've found that this statement about burgers and spaghetti almost always true. This is what young kids love; this is what I loved as a child, they just simply taste good. Obviously there's more to cringing than a matter of taste.

The disdain was most likely at America trying to force its values, its culture and its tastes down our throats, and while this may have been true in the past, what my friends may have chosen to ignore is that it has now become a reality. America is very alive in the Arab world with its burgers and its vision.

But the only real problem with America is that it's loved and hated at the same time. In the movie Body of Lies this sentiment is accurately portrayed. One of the terrorists has got a PhD and speaks five languages; he wants to go to America, that's reality.

America is a land that enables you to succeed based on your skills and hard work, that's why it is loved.  But as the terrorist tries to bargain, the CIA agent cuts him loose to see who'll kill him. To Americans we're no longer people, we're no longer the needy and poor whom they had invited to join them, they've closed their doors, and turned their backs on the world and that's why we hate them.

Our love comes from wanting to have a place like America to live in, a place that has all its virtues. Our hate comes from our anger at their ignorance and rejection of the entire world; it's at their self absorption. Russel Crowe is an epitome of what America has become, a loving father and a kind family man who takes care of his own and attends their soccer matches and tries to spend time with them in a superficially loving manner, but when dealing with families thousands of miles away he is a completely different man, both ruthless and hurtful. He has shut down his sympathy and compassion for others and everyone is a tool or a pawn in the game he plays.

Di Caprio tells him, "Be careful about calling yourself America." But he is America, in all its intelligence and splendor, in all its deceit and indifference, in all its greed and power thirst. Crowe is a charming and yet spiteful man. He's charming because he's Russel Crowe, but we have an inner desire to love him and forgive him if only his actions would meet his charm… but till that happens (and it never will) it's love and hate.

Crowe sits from his base of operations, remote and disconnected from what's going on, only understanding what his modern technology brings him. He cannot understand that sometimes you can do nothing but wait, and that sometimes you cannot buy your way, or torture your way into success.

There is some value in the movie that chose not just to make the same old statement about a useless war with very hurtful strategy, it chose to describe a piece of reality in a more updated fashion. Perhaps it will never match any reality we know of, but considering that less than 2% of Americans have ventured outside their own state, it has brought an image of the Middle East that's a little closer to reality from what the majority would see in other movies or their largely biased Fox news.

There are a few things that appealed to me about the movie and perhaps being a simple minded Arab, they appeared to be real. When portraying an Iraqi working with Di Caprio, the young man barely had an accent. That was particularly interesting considering that all Arabs in the past have were made to have an accent even if they spoke English fluently. To have an Arab working with the Americans who showed no traces of an Arabic accent was very bold and yet so accurate. Consider the multitude of Egyptians who can speak English without an accent, there are so many of them and yet, without the accent you couldn't be an Arabic speaker. This is a shift in paradigm, just like when they decided that Egyptians could be portrayed without the need for a desert, the pyramid and camels.

There were many other items of authenticity in the movie, one of which was the cyclone club in Dubai that was visited by people on their business visits and making use of its prostitutes. There was also the fact that the American's weren't necessarily always the smartest, they were surpassed by the head of Jordanian intelligence played brilliantly by Mark Strong. There was also the values of friendships and personal relationships that were highlighted, and a rejection of technology that cancelled out these inter personal relations.

The portrayal of several events seems to have been well researched and it marks a change in the way Hollywood approaches the Middle East. There's an attempt, albeit just an attempt, to find out more about what's really going on, what Arabs are like and how in-over-their-heads Americans really are.

Why then did my friends dislike this movie? The simple fact is that anything associated with America's foreign policy and operations is hateful. There's just too much American crap around us now and America is still at it, trying to keep pushing the lie till it becomes true. My friends seemed to think that the movie was pro American in some way or the other because the hero was American, but looking back there wasn't a single good point about the Americans that was portrayed. Americans were remote, ruthless and did not comprehend the world they've forced themselves into. They were in over their heads and they didn't give a damn about the Arab world. They were incompetent and outsmarted and eventually taught a thing or two.

America with all its evils does not realize that the world is waiting for a chance to love it again because of the good it had advocated in the past. In both world wars it has been important for the triumph of a good side and has preached some of the greatest values. The problem is that America falls short on implementing any of its values and all that they have preached has become a body of lies. They are fading into oblivion and even that remote desire to forgive America for all the hate it has spread is turning or has turned into an unfriendly ghost that no one wants to be haunted by.