Fair Game

It's fair. It's absolutely fair that we should lose to the USA by three and that the USA should qualify. It's not just fair, but right because of the great many differences between not just the two teams, but the two countries.

How can you expect a country to do something right when everything goes wrong? I mean with Africa, it's okay, because most of the African countries are as messed up as we are or even more, and the mentality is similar, so there's no difference between one underdog and another. But when we're playing against the USA we have to understand that it’s not the American team but the American attitude that’s difficult to defeat.

America is mostly despised but perhaps also loved for the same reasons it is despised, not the least of which is its winning attitude that is so fervidly despised in Europe. But to be honest, America is a comeback junkie, with a great thirst for winning and most of its citizen think they're in a Rocky movie, expecting a comeback at any minute. They believe anything is possible till the last minute, and while they might be wrong sometimes, this attitude enables them to do all that is possible for them to do. In the end they go down fighting. Despite their sometimes annoying positivism, I'd always want an American on my team because the general attitude is not to quit.

In Egypt however, the loss is symptomatic of a country where good things are accidents. Like all accidents that happen in Egypt, even the good ones are plentiful. Did we really think that things were doing things so right so as to actually make it to the second round? No, we’re just a first round kind of people. It's just not right that we should do something contrary to our nature, and unlike matters within the country where doing things the wrong way gives you the greatest rewards, the world does not recognize nor accept this way of life, and for this reason we lose when we don't do things right, as it should be within Egypt.

I'm not one to change my point of view overnight like most people who will suddenly see Egypt's team as having no potential; on the contrary, we played great previously, beating Italy and giving Brazil a run for their money. We have some world class players occasionally and I don’t mean that we have a good player once in a while, but rather a player that does well once in a while. The point I mean to make is that we're consistent in our inconsistency. We're too mercurial (as is evident from FIFA stats) and it’s in our nature to let go once we imagine success. Our standards are so low that we don’t care to keep giving it our best shot. Doing well is not a way of life; it's an activity that we practice once in a while albeit a very long while.

In this game the nature of the countries collided with one another and if there’s one thing we ought to know, it’s that our nature can’t win. A country with talent and history was defeated by a country with less talent and less history but so much more will and enthusiasm. A mentality of losers was aptly beaten by a mentality of winners. A country that lost its ability to resist was beaten by a country that never quits. In short an enslaved country was beaten by a free country.

Is that too much philosophy for a football game? It might be, but I think we don't have enough philosophy to win as much as a football game. If we talk about the concrete reasons, they'll be something as boring as our league is horrible and undisciplined, our players don't train properly, our education is crap and it affects our mentality, our values are screwed up and we value pleasure more than hard work that gives so much more pleasure in the long run, etc.. etc.. The concrete reasons are there, but the problem is that our hopeless philosophies in life are what lead us to these concrete reasons in every field and on every field.

I've said it before and I say it again, it's not that Egypt is so damn hopeless, it's those moments of hope that really make you realize how we could have been. We caught a glimpse, but it all faded away… In the end it appears that this is all we can ever get.

Egypt's FIFA Ranking

Are we the most consistent team or what?!!

Victorious Defeat

Once in a while something happens that takes you by surprise and tells you that you can expect something unexpected from the world. Like the other night when I only had one and a quarter pounds and wanted to take a cab. I asked the cab driver,"How far can this take me?" and he said, "Get in."

He wasn't even the talkative kind, but when I said thanks, he said that he knows I would have done the same, people are there to help one another and he didn't want to take any money; and it wasn't a bad line out of a bad Arabic movie either. I was surprised by this unexpected act of kindness that taught me a bit about a closed mind.

Something happens that takes you by surprise, like Egypt playing a great match against Brazil and leveling the score 3-3 for the greater portion of the second half. But it's not the score that surprised me. It's not that we lost 4-3 only at the very end due to a penalty, but how well Egypt played against Brazil. I really thought that Egypt was playing like the legendary Brazil and Brazil was playing like the historical unremarkable Egypt.

Something happens that catches you off guard, like Abu Treka playing like Kaka, and Kaka struggling to pose a threat against an already lousy Egyptian defense.

Something happens that changes everything, like a referree that changes his decision from a corner to a penalty and brings you back to earth after an unbelievable match.

Part of the beauty of this world is unpredictability. The loss that Egypt incurred tastes very much like victory to all Egyptians, except for the extremely cynical I guess. How would one imagine such a great game from Egypt who lost 3-1 to Algiers last week? That's part of what's great about life, it defies expert opinion. Egyptian football is like drama, always attempting to keep you in suspense. It would be okay if we never won, but it's these intermittent triumphs that I really struggle with, you can never totally give up hope and you're always hanging in a constant state of desparation.

This is how we do it I guess, as with most other aspects of our lives.

Bad Bike

Egypt is like a bad bike, no matter how much more you pedal you end up struggling to sustain your balance. You don't usually go much faster. It's best to take it easy and pedal slowly, there's no point wearing yourself down over an inefficient bicycle.

The Visit

I wish Obama would have stayed longer. I wish Obama would have visted more places in Egypt. The result would have been magnificent. For starters there would have been more trees and greenery in the streets and they would have been in many more places. There would have been more roads fixed all around the broken down Cairo. If he would have gone by my street those old gray buildings would have been painted. If he would have travelled to the south, those old broken down death highways would have been fixed. If he would have visited hospitals they would have been equipped with the basics that hospitals should have.

The list goes on and on, but it would have been great if Obama visited every inch of this country, and I don't mind not going to work and being under house arrest for a few hours every day, it'll be worth it at the end. Only that after he leaves, the trees will be taken away, plants will be removed like they were the next day from Cairo University. The roads will be destroyed, the garbage will be re-installed to its previous location and the people who were in charge of making these temporary arrangements would become so much richer.

It amazes me that we can do everything right if we choose to, I really respect this country's potential. Why aren't we doing this more often? Do we need to tell Obama to come here and live for a while so that Egyptians can do things right? Do we need to give Obama the citizenship here? Do we need to ask Obama to take on some sort of part time responsibilities in Egypt? Or do we need to do more?

One of these days I'd like to see the world through Mubarak's eyes. I'm guessing I'll be seeing lots of pink.

Shootlock

It's unbelievable what the traffic was like this wednesday night as I rode my bike through Cairo's streets. A friend of mine told me she was held up at the intersection of the shooting club and mohy el deen street, but as I rode towards the shooting club, the streets were so clear. I imagined that the traffic was held up by someone because of the Obama visit or something. Then as I approached the intersection I realized that there was no traffic police presence whatsoever. The drivers left to their own demise got themselves into one deadlock after another.

Civilians started playing the role of traffic police, applying some common sense to the senseless drivers. The streets were chaotic even though the traffic flow didn't seem to be that much. How incredulous is it that on the night just before Obama's visit, a big junction would be left like this unadministered. Did the traffic cops leave because no one cared? or had headquarters ordered them somewhere else?

In any case, I want to report that the traffic was horrendous, I had never thought that the traffic seargent was of that much importance. But then again I had never thought that the traffic police would leave their posts.

I really wonder what other ills this Obama visit will bring us. It seems that when something bad happens, we the people have to suffer, and when something good happens, well, some key persons might benefit, but we the people have to suffer also.

I don't think people are as worried about what Obama's going to say, as much as they are about avoiding the hell and torture they might endure if they make a wrong move tomorrow.

Death of a Businessman

I'm against capital punishment, and even more so with fishy cases like that of the guy who killed Layla Ghoufran's daughter and most recently Hisham Talaat Moustafa. The problem with such cases is that it's obvious there is something wrong with them, something doesn't add up and that presents what is referred to as reasonable doubt. 

The fact that there is reasonable doubt is enough to set someone free, and perhaps I'm not even asking that, only asking that he not be put to death. One of the many problems with the death sentence is that humans can make mistakes. We've heard non fictitious accounts of people being locked up for decades and then found to be free. It also gives room to malice. An unfair judge may put someone to death on purpose, the allowance of a death sentence gives power over life which man shouldn't have. Oddly enough the same people who advocate the death sentence may be against abortion. 

Sanctity of life, it's a phrase that's so overused to the point that its meaning may be diluted but the word sanctity is very powerful and I find it more spiritual than it is physical. But the spiritual world can have no meaning if it can't make its way to the physical world in one way or the other. I find it hard to imagine that both the murderer and the one who incited the murder should get the same sentence. Plus of course the details surrounding the case point to some kind of foul play or set up. Ever watched a movie where someone is being set up? The evidence is very powerful, very strong that it seems almost too easy. 

The man who killed took every positive step to ensure that he would be caught, despite the fact that he is ex police, how come? In any case, even if these are just delusions, it seems vicious and unfair to take away someone's life. I suppose the death penalty serves as something to deter people from committing such a crime. 

The world is such a jungle, it's worse, it is a place where people do evil things without necessity. The fact that people can do wrong in the world is something that I can accept, but that the law or what is supposed to be right is failing is something which we must not accept. It is our duty to try to reach perfection in our constitution and laws despite knowing for sure that we will not reach. But knowing that we will fall short is no excuse not to try our best. 

The death of a businessman reflects an extremity that is so characteristic of our country. In Egypt so many bad deeds go unpunished and when the law is implemented, it can take an extreme of being implemented with too much viciousness according to the whim of those entrusted with its implementation. We're extremists in our lethargy and in our viciousness. We turn a blind eye to many evils and when it comes to punishing, we kill even if there isn't enough proof and we burry alive those poor pigs who have done us no harm.  

Passiveness and aggression co-exist within the fabric of our society. It has seeped through like a sly venom, and I'm afraid flushing it out will be a monumental task that no one has begun.

Street Life

On the Paradox of Freedom

The amount of freedom we have is directly proportional the amount of privacy we have for our actions. This means that the more the people that are present simultaneously to experience our action, the less the freedom we have to act as we wish. It goes to say that the more the increase in population, the less likely we are to have privacy and the less likely we will be able to experience freedom in what we do. 

We know that by copulating or reproducing, we cause the population to grow. So the more we copulate, the more the chances of pregnancy and childbirth. The more we have the freedom to copulate the more the chances of a population growth. 

So now I'm faced with a paradox, freedom is inversely proportional to freedom to copulate. In other words, the more we have freedom to copulate, the less freedom we will have in the future.

But how can this be true if freedom to copulate is a subset of freedom? Could it be that there is a quota of freedom that should be used after which it will be depleted? Could it be that we should actually be wise in how much freedom we should use?

There must be something wrong with my reasoning.

Regret and Guilt

In my life I've regretted some of the right I did, but never felt guilty about it.  I haven't regretted so much the wrong I did, but more often than not I've felt guilty about it.

The Only Way to Live

There's nothing here for me,
I found that my desires do not mean a thing,
with all the pain they bring.

I know I long for life,
but the more I strive,
the more death I find.

The only way to live is to die,
and only then will I experience life,
I have nothing to give,
and that is why perhaps 

I have everything to take.

There's nowhere left to go,
save the only place I should,
The place I've been looking for,
but never understood.

To go inside myself,
and find out what I am,
find out what's been lost,
find the inner man.

I've spent so many years,
bounded by my fears,
and now I finally learnt,
what I should have done,

but after I've found out what I know,
I realize... I comprehend my true fate,
I am to pass this knowledge on,
because for me,
it's become too late.

The Weight of the World

Too many hopes are riding on one man's shoulders and to be certain the weight of these hopes will crush him or at least crush those who have chosen to put their hopes there. But perhaps he asked for it when he campaigned for change, he asked people to rest their hopes on him, to bet on him, to vote for change. He didn't really comprehend what he was asking, or perhaps he comprehended but thought he could do it, or perhaps he was too successful in getting what he asked for. But the weight of this world's burdens will crush him. No man can live up to these expectations, there's too much that has gone wrong with the world for one man to change it all even if that man occupies the most powerful position in the world. The quality of hope has changed, it has become a hope that something decent starts changing in the world, but the world is not a place for decent things to happen. There's too much evil, there's too much hate and it's easier to destroy than to build. 

With the kind of expectations that people have, he has no choice but to disappoint, not because he had the world fooled and that his hidden agenda was sinister, but because he is a good man and it takes more than being that to eradicate evil. Do I make it sound too simplistic like a superhero comic? Well, when it comes down to it, after all the shades of gray are attributed to their respective black and whites, it's approximated to this kind of simplicity.

A video I watched addressed to Obama triggered these thoughts. The letter to Obama relayed through video by an Israeli human rights activist was roughly save us Obama from the evil we inflict on palestinians and save us from our aching conscience. The video recalled Obama's promises to save the world, and they were calling him in to live up to these promises;  save us from our acts, save us from our sins. She asked him to stop how complacent the IDF soldiers felt while killing young children, to stop the inhumane treatment of Palestinians, to end the terror inflicted on palestinians by Israel. The woman in her letter said that she prayed for Obama to win even though she didn't believe in God. In a way, with her letter she was praying to Obama. How many of us want to send out a letter or video to someone out there to change the way we live? I would suppose that most people on the globe would want to send out a letter entitled Dear Obama, or Dear Mubarak, or Dear Qadafi even. The reason we don't send out to the latter two is because we're certain they won't listen, or perhaps we don't send out to others because we know they won't be able to do anything even if they wanted to.

The world has replaced the prayer to an all powerful God, to human beings who can hardly live up to their promises, who can only try to change the world and most likely will fail. The world says it doesn't need God anymore, but strip the world of the facade they believe in called a system and a government and you will see how much they need God. The ongoing prayers to other humans who control their fate is strong evidence that there is a need for God even in the presence of a government and rules. Who do you turn to when the law has failed you? When your leaders have failed you? When humans have failed you? When the world has failed you?

That woman in the video has chosen to turn to Obama, a man who has promised with words what we all want to see happen. He has promised that the most powerful man will be all that we wish him to be. But even if he did live up to his word, can he answer all prayers?

I'm not saying that God answers all our prayers, or that God must exist just because man has failed. I know many people who at some point in their life felt no need for God. I'm just saying that the need for God is real in a world gone wrong, when all the systems that man has made could not protect him. The need to thank someone, the need to call out for someone, the need to find someone to help you through the hard times, because I imagine it would be very lonely when all men as well as spirits have forsaken you. I see many lonely people, trying to find someone to call out for. They call out on people that will probably never be able to help, like another Obama who is probably too busy failing others he has already promised to make yet another promise. 

Late Party

I realized one thing that night. All hopes and wishes change with time. It's not only that they might change as one changes, but even when they're the same, they're different when they actually happen.

A few nights back I was invited to a birthday. The birthday boy was still in college turning 21, and needless to say, most of those that were invited were of the same age. I didn't know the birthday boy nor almost all the other young (mostly AUC) crowd.

I entered a fine old building. It was a fabulous building with an extremely high ceiling, but with excellent paint that gave the impression it hadn't aged. Yet its age seeped through the fine ornaments and extreme detail that had been perfected during its architecture and construction. It looked new but it wasn't modern, the floors were of dark colors, as if a sepia filter had been applied to them, but without traces of dust. I took my time observing the little details plastered all around, walking slowly towards and away from the elevator, and taking my time to look around before I rang the bell.

I felt very comfortable with the building, in a way it matched my essence; seemingly young yet old and classical at the same time. As soon as I entered however, things changed. The ceilings were still high, and the interior decoration was still classical with well placed touches of modernity yet despite my expectations of the crowd's age range, I still couldn't help but be taken aback by their young faces. It's not that they were exceptionally young, well, I did expect them to look older, but I just suddenly remembered that this is probably how I and my friends looked like back in college. That sudden memory took me back then, and I remembered how different my experience was of that age.

In a way I sort of envied them. They were a group of guys and girls who knew each other well, having fun at a party. I never had that, not the huge mixed group, not those parties. During my college days, I'd have been happy just to have been talking to a girl. To have a party like this was to my young self very remote and closer to a dream that I had fantasized about. I know I sound like a loser this way, but it's the truth of my experience. I knew friends of mine who were a part of groups like these, but I and other friends were seldom invited. We had trouble getting into night clubs where the stupid couples only rule was enforced, but even worse, our greatest fantasy was a venerated house party.

Anyway, as soon as I saw them, I was filled with Nostalgia towards my long gone youth and smiled heartily at theirs, but more than this, a gripping thought took hold of me. I thought how I would have loved to have been at a party like this when I was their age. It's not that I hadn't been to a house party after that, I went to many and went to clubs and met so many different people and groups and girls. It's just that at this moment, I wanted to be their age. I wanted to travel back in time and be that age and have this party. Their faces brought back the young me, who hadn't experienced all of this. I remember once when I was very young, I met a friend walking down the street with a group of his friends, they were going over to his house to hang out. One of the girls was very nice to me, and it blew me away. She stopped me and said something nice, something that made me feel I was part of the group. I think she might have even blown me a kiss too. I would have done anything to have been invited. I traveled in time and brought back the young boy who wanted all of this.


I became very aware of a thought that slapped me across my face; no matter what I do I cannot be that boy and I cannot experience this party even if it was everything I had hoped for. The one thing that changed is me, time has changed me and I cannot be that person once again. Once time has passed, the chance is gone. It didn't matter that I looked as young as they were and no one really noticed how out of place I really was. It didn't really make a difference that I could wing it or fake it, inside I felt old. I suppose that's how Benjamin Button felt as an old man, the experience of the years wrinkling his soul even though his face was smooth. I did try telling some of them that I dropped out, and that I didn't study anymore and they bought it cause of how young I looked, but this kind of acceptance lead me nowhere close to comfort. Later that night, as I was finally going home, I looked at my face reflected in the elevator mirror, and I saw the lines that were made with age. If they had looked deeper into my face, they'd have seen my age and asked what I did for a living.

I realized the fragility of the moment, that moment which so casually passes us by. It's broken when we don't seize it, and it's broken when we seek it at the wrong time. I recognized the passing of time, and I recognized the change that time can bring about. This isn't some sermon about seizing the moment and milking it for what it's worth. This is about the loss of moments and the hope for some that will never come and others that could never come. Sometimes moments, like answers, come a bit too late, and when they do, they don't mean the same.

Maybe there is a Zen message being sent to me after all. Seek the right things at the right time or something, don't look too far ahead or too far behind, dream for the closest moment, and let your old fantasies live on as memories that never were and give room to new ones.

I really don't think there really is a message. I think I experienced a moment. It was a moment like a window to the past. I enjoyed what fun I could amass being around young people. Perhaps that's why life in the past was more fun, not because one was carefree, but because one had more young people to hang out with.

More Death in Venice

I'm reminded by passionate friends who seek chaos:

"For to passion, as to crime, the assured everyday order and stability of things is not opportune, and any weakening of the civil structure, any chaos and disaster afflicting the world, must be welcome to it, as offering a vague hope of turning such circumstances to its advantage."

Thomas Mann - Death in Venice

Once more, words or reviews cannot do justice to beauty:

"He was more beautiful than words can express, and Ashenbach felt the painful awareness that language can only praise sensuous beauty but not reproduce it."

Thomas Mann - Death in Venice