Thursday, June 22, 2006

Every time I look at an old woman

Every time I look at an old woman my thoughts always drift to what kind of old woman my wife would make. I mean, just looking at an old woman, triggers some of these thoughts. Some old women take care of themselves real well. I see pride and femininity in their eyes and in their gestures. Other women seem to have lost all connection with their feminine side, they just seem to want to exist in whatever form they can without paying any heed to their true nature.

But looking at certain old ladies makes me sad, they are these women who used to take pride in how they look and what they do, but somehow the air around them tells you that they’ve been worn down by life. In their eyes you can see so much has not gone their way.

I’ve heard that girls turn out to be like their mothers eventually, now whether or not this is true, I do not know, but this theory sometimes stirs an obsession inside me to see how a fine young woman’s mother looks like. I keep thinking, the mother is the kind of woman I’ll end up with if I marry this girl. Sometimes the contrast is so big that it’s hard to draw the lines from the image of a young girl to match her future portrayed in her mother, but at other times the lines that lead from this to that are so clear.

It does seem selfish to look so far into the future because when love hits, it shouldn’t matter how the person is going to be, but somehow in the absence of love I’m left with only logical speculation of which the future is an integral part.

It still seems odd that I incubate such thoughts since I have not yet decided eternal commitment, but everyone doesn’t mind looking through a window to the future right? I guess I’m just making up my own windows.

1 comment:

Wael Eskandar said...

hey powerups, I guess I'm just concerned about my soul growing old..