Thursday, June 22, 2006

Every time I look at an old woman

Every time I look at an old woman my thoughts always drift to what kind of old woman my wife would make. I mean, just looking at an old woman, triggers some of these thoughts. Some old women take care of themselves real well. I see pride and femininity in their eyes and in their gestures. Other women seem to have lost all connection with their feminine side, they just seem to want to exist in whatever form they can without paying any heed to their true nature.

But looking at certain old ladies makes me sad, they are these women who used to take pride in how they look and what they do, but somehow the air around them tells you that they’ve been worn down by life. In their eyes you can see so much has not gone their way.

I’ve heard that girls turn out to be like their mothers eventually, now whether or not this is true, I do not know, but this theory sometimes stirs an obsession inside me to see how a fine young woman’s mother looks like. I keep thinking, the mother is the kind of woman I’ll end up with if I marry this girl. Sometimes the contrast is so big that it’s hard to draw the lines from the image of a young girl to match her future portrayed in her mother, but at other times the lines that lead from this to that are so clear.

It does seem selfish to look so far into the future because when love hits, it shouldn’t matter how the person is going to be, but somehow in the absence of love I’m left with only logical speculation of which the future is an integral part.

It still seems odd that I incubate such thoughts since I have not yet decided eternal commitment, but everyone doesn’t mind looking through a window to the future right? I guess I’m just making up my own windows.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Every time I look at an old man

Every time I look at an old man my thoughts always drift to what kind of old man I’d make.

It really scares me to think that at my old age I will be incapable of dealing with the world.It scares me when I see a poor old man, finding difficulties to cope with this life. If he’s a man with simple knowledge and a simple job, I keep wondering about what kind of life he had, the choices he made, the kind of thinking he thought to be where he is now. It’s like looking on at my own future and it triggers me to think of things I need to do and things I need to be. Perhaps it reminds me that I should never be too arrogant no matter how good life gets because nothing ever lasts.

Whenever I see a charming and wise old man, I’m inspired. I’m inspired to become a man of charm and influence; a man capable of leaving an impression upon meeting a stranger, an impression that would last the stranger a lifetime. I’m inspired to work, to think and hope. I keep wondering though about what that man did or was doing all his life to reach the point of being a remarkable old man. Was it something about his job, was it something about his attitude or was it pure luck. Do some men get better with age, while others burn out? Which one am I?

I would like to become a marvelous old person.. just someone who would leave an impression on you if you'd met him that would last you a lifetime.

It seems rather absurd though to think all these thoughts as a young man, not knowing whether I will continue to live even for just a few days much less a whole lifetime. I know it seems strange because there remains a lot to do before reaching that stage, many more stages and many more phases. But that’s what’s triggered in my head when I see an old man, partly because I believe that the only thing that death is incapable of taking away from you is the person you become. Death can take you, but it cannot take away your past or who you were while you were on a brief visit to life.