Thursday, September 23, 2010


I need a truce with myself. It feels like a constant battle. Am I who I think I am, or am I someone different. It's always the same old thing, continuously reassessing who I am. Am I right? Am I wrong? It takes a lot less time with so many things, but it takes a lot more time with some things that I thought needed no questioning.

I wish I were trying to question to simulate a certain depth, but there's no depth at all to the nature of who I am. There's nothing particularly pleasant about someone who iterates over the questions over and over again, each time tweaking an answer a minuscule little bit. There's no need for that much accuracy for questions that don't have any real answers and yet I seek them. I seek them personally not universally. I mean not for everyone, but at the same time globally enough to suit everything I apply them to.

It sounds to me like every time I start to write I ask more than I answer, like my sentences are all the same written in different forms. I myself will skip over these few sentences. So why do I write?

Everyone knows why we write these personal things that don't matter to anyone but us. I need a break from all the things that want me to be something I'm not. I suppose all this is just a deep breath, a truce, so that I can have a short break and then face the world again.