I'm tired, it's late and I've nothing to say. Nothing to say that would be of use to anyone, and nothing to say that would be of use to me. I'm just tired and it's late and that seems like enough to say for this moment. Sometimes I say 'I'm tired' and it just means that I'm tired, and at other times it's just an expression of some feeling that goes beyond. Tired of the things I have to deal with and tired of things around me. Tired of being surrounded by all sides by things that tell me what to do and who to be. Tired of being trapped in a system, where I'm just a controlled variable necessary for life's experiment... Tired of having to fight too many battles to get my rights...
My rights.. well that's a really broad phrase, I sometimes wonder if it ceases to become my right if I have to fight for it so hard, I mean I may as well fight for something that isn't mine in the first place... Does it make a difference that things are yours? I mean you'd think that just because you have a right would mean that you would get it easily, the meaning of simplicity is implied I guess, but I must be mistaken. Lately I've noticed how everyone fights for their right. I mean shouldn't it be that people automatically get their rights and fight for privileges? It's a strange world I'm living in where rights are wrong.
I've been reading too many gloomy blogs, of ordinary people feeling ordinary things. When I was younger I used to write to my journal the strangest thoughts and I felt so odd amidst my friends, but somehow I felt I wasn't alone out there. I had nothing to substantiate this feeling but certainly I'm not the only one feeling gloomy. I've always felt like such an alien because I could not indulge in the common things people do with enthusiasm... but I wonder how many people kept a journal like mine? How many people went back home and cried out to a piece of paper that sort of told them that everything would be okay.. you've got me to share all this with.
Anyway, not to sound too pathetic or alone, I would like to note that as a person you'd never think I'd fall into these morbid moods, I simply couldn't be bothered or so I appeared. There's a feeling of strength that is harvested only when appearing strong. When people see you as a strong person you're empowered, you have the ability to be as strong as you choose. For me it's been that way, I'd be a shapeless piece of matter if it weren't for decisions of what shape I am to take. I mean to be a liar would have been easy, I just needed to decide, to have been a jerk would have been easier, I just needed to decide. I decided the harder things, but I guess it wouldn't have made a difference one way or the other which I had decided, I was able to stick to my decision.
I'm not saying that I'm not a liar or a jerk, it would be a real disaster if I wasn't a bit of both, but at least I'm not decidedly so ... I mean, it gives me great pleasure when some people see me as something I'm not.. why? I'm not sure.. something about misdirection. I've always been interested in things that are not what they appear to be, layers, depth... People would be very boring if they were what they appeared to be, and that's why I don't trust people that seem too trustworthy. It's more interesting to meet someone with bad qualities and some good in them.. it's more interesting to dig out the good. Good people burry their bad qualities and never show them, but they will appear some day. Bad people burry their good qualities and try not to show them, but it's very interesting when they appear some day.
Listen to me, now I sound like some ancient monk from Tibet.. why do I say ancient? more wisdom ? I don't know, just sounds right.. but I'm not into the whole cookie fortune wisdom thing.. not the whole "I'll tell you what you need in life".. I mean stuff like "honesty is the best policy" .. yeah right.. whoever said honesty was the best policy wasn't being very honest..
And more ramblings and more ramblings, like the ramblings I would write during my sad winter days, but then again a blog can be my new found journal.. but I mean who cares really.. we read to know we're not alone, I'm sure many people have stranger thoughts.. stranger lives.. and stranger blogs ..
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Satellite Guy
Isn’t it strange the people we meet, some of them surprise you and some of them disappoint you. It strikes me as odd, the things you hear from people reflecting how they think. An example of a very strange encounter I had with someone was when we were installing our satellite receiver.
We struck up a conversations about a variety of things, I listened to him talk about his philosophies in life. Though seemingly a simple person some of the things he said were interesting and had a fair amount of truth to them. Other things didn’t make much sense. I’ll recount things he said:
Two rumors spread through the whole of Egypt just before the elections. The first being that the current president has stolen enough out of the country, his pouch is full, he won’t be stealing much more, so why elect someone who will start to rob the country all over again. Well I tell you now, this applies to a petty thief, but not to a gang leader, you see the problem with this theory is that it assumes the president is stealing small amounts that he’s just a common thief, but in fact he’s a gang leader and those around him steal as much. He’s like a thief that knows where the safe is, if someone new were elected, he wouldn’t know where the safe is, that would give time for us to enjoy the country at least for a while.
The second rumor that was circulated is that there is no one better to rule. Now there are probably people who are better and can do well in this country with a population of seventy million people. But good people can never rise to places where they can be of use. In the first place being president is a big responsibility and it seems foolish to step up. Consider those who nominated themselves for presidency, Ayman Nour and Nomaan Gomma, they’re both in prison.
America wants Mubarak. They’ve told Mubarak he can win as long as he enforces democracy. Now Mubarak did enforce democracy, and what happened when he did? A lot of members of parliament were from the Ikhwan Muslimeen, a radical party, at which America told Mubarak to halt the democracy and get back to how things were before. I guess America only wants democracy that will serve its purpose.
When asked about a former prime minister who was kicked out, he said Bees can’t live anywhere but hives, and no other creature can live in a hive. You have to belong to be able to make it somewhere, if you don’t belong you’re kicked out. The government is too corrupt to accept men of integrity.
Egyptians are doing so well elsewhere, but when it comes to Egypt, no one with the right talent is in the right place. I agreed with this and told him we have many jackasses in our midst. He said, the problem isn’t with someone who’s a jackass, the problem is with someone who insists on being a jackass. In a famous movie by the name of “Ramadan foa el Borkan”, featuring Adel Immam, he plays the part of a crook who calculates that it’s better to steal and do the time than it is to work. He goes out of prison and starts a con company and then one of his friends from prison comes to work with him. So Adel asks the guy, do you know how to read or write? The guy answers no. Do you know how to answer telephones? No. Do you know how to do anything at all? No. Do you understand anything about anything? The man replies no. Adel then says, “In that case, hire him as a member in the board of directors”. This is the kind of people we have.
What happened to the world we asked, why are things so different. The satellite man asked if thirty years ago one could catch a cat. Those who could answer the questions answered no. Cats used to run away, no way you can catch it. Then he asked, back in the time, how were the dogs? Those who could answer said that dogs were more vicious. So the satellite man said, these days cats stick like glue, you shoo them off and they keep coming back. Dogs are afraid these days, kids have tamed and scared them. There’s a change in the environment around us, the times are changing and things aren’t what they used to be.
By that time we were nearing the end of the tuning of the channels. He said that women would usually watch whatever channel they see, and men would just keep flipping the channel. Women weren’t as curious as men, and men didn’t want to see the channels for their content, just more of an exploration. He commented that there were many porn channels stored. There’s no problem with the channels themselves, he has a kid who he tells that it’s okay to be curious, but becoming addicted is the real danger.
We asked him if he enjoyed his job. He replied, I always do what pleases me and what I like that’s what counts in the world really. But the beauty of the world is in its obstacles. If you want something for 4 days and buy it on the fifth, you’ll enjoy the five days more than you enjoy the time after you get it.
This is a very brief account of the conversations that went on between us. We talked of how people abroad respected the human being, and that it’s always better and how life was smooth. He said it was always better to live outside Egypt because of how smooth people have it. This is almost the only place I made a statement. I told him, but I thought you said life without obstacles is not livable, Egypt here has all the obstacles we need for a good enjoyable life.
It’s strange the people you meet and the opinions you hear. Not all conversations are memorable and not all parts of a memorable conversation are new, but perhaps sometimes you hear things out of people that you don’t expect. It’s all a matter of opinions and expectations I guess.
We struck up a conversations about a variety of things, I listened to him talk about his philosophies in life. Though seemingly a simple person some of the things he said were interesting and had a fair amount of truth to them. Other things didn’t make much sense. I’ll recount things he said:
Two rumors spread through the whole of Egypt just before the elections. The first being that the current president has stolen enough out of the country, his pouch is full, he won’t be stealing much more, so why elect someone who will start to rob the country all over again. Well I tell you now, this applies to a petty thief, but not to a gang leader, you see the problem with this theory is that it assumes the president is stealing small amounts that he’s just a common thief, but in fact he’s a gang leader and those around him steal as much. He’s like a thief that knows where the safe is, if someone new were elected, he wouldn’t know where the safe is, that would give time for us to enjoy the country at least for a while.
The second rumor that was circulated is that there is no one better to rule. Now there are probably people who are better and can do well in this country with a population of seventy million people. But good people can never rise to places where they can be of use. In the first place being president is a big responsibility and it seems foolish to step up. Consider those who nominated themselves for presidency, Ayman Nour and Nomaan Gomma, they’re both in prison.
America wants Mubarak. They’ve told Mubarak he can win as long as he enforces democracy. Now Mubarak did enforce democracy, and what happened when he did? A lot of members of parliament were from the Ikhwan Muslimeen, a radical party, at which America told Mubarak to halt the democracy and get back to how things were before. I guess America only wants democracy that will serve its purpose.
When asked about a former prime minister who was kicked out, he said Bees can’t live anywhere but hives, and no other creature can live in a hive. You have to belong to be able to make it somewhere, if you don’t belong you’re kicked out. The government is too corrupt to accept men of integrity.
Egyptians are doing so well elsewhere, but when it comes to Egypt, no one with the right talent is in the right place. I agreed with this and told him we have many jackasses in our midst. He said, the problem isn’t with someone who’s a jackass, the problem is with someone who insists on being a jackass. In a famous movie by the name of “Ramadan foa el Borkan”, featuring Adel Immam, he plays the part of a crook who calculates that it’s better to steal and do the time than it is to work. He goes out of prison and starts a con company and then one of his friends from prison comes to work with him. So Adel asks the guy, do you know how to read or write? The guy answers no. Do you know how to answer telephones? No. Do you know how to do anything at all? No. Do you understand anything about anything? The man replies no. Adel then says, “In that case, hire him as a member in the board of directors”. This is the kind of people we have.
What happened to the world we asked, why are things so different. The satellite man asked if thirty years ago one could catch a cat. Those who could answer the questions answered no. Cats used to run away, no way you can catch it. Then he asked, back in the time, how were the dogs? Those who could answer said that dogs were more vicious. So the satellite man said, these days cats stick like glue, you shoo them off and they keep coming back. Dogs are afraid these days, kids have tamed and scared them. There’s a change in the environment around us, the times are changing and things aren’t what they used to be.
By that time we were nearing the end of the tuning of the channels. He said that women would usually watch whatever channel they see, and men would just keep flipping the channel. Women weren’t as curious as men, and men didn’t want to see the channels for their content, just more of an exploration. He commented that there were many porn channels stored. There’s no problem with the channels themselves, he has a kid who he tells that it’s okay to be curious, but becoming addicted is the real danger.
We asked him if he enjoyed his job. He replied, I always do what pleases me and what I like that’s what counts in the world really. But the beauty of the world is in its obstacles. If you want something for 4 days and buy it on the fifth, you’ll enjoy the five days more than you enjoy the time after you get it.
This is a very brief account of the conversations that went on between us. We talked of how people abroad respected the human being, and that it’s always better and how life was smooth. He said it was always better to live outside Egypt because of how smooth people have it. This is almost the only place I made a statement. I told him, but I thought you said life without obstacles is not livable, Egypt here has all the obstacles we need for a good enjoyable life.
It’s strange the people you meet and the opinions you hear. Not all conversations are memorable and not all parts of a memorable conversation are new, but perhaps sometimes you hear things out of people that you don’t expect. It’s all a matter of opinions and expectations I guess.
Friday, September 08, 2006
The 45 in one shampoo
Isn’t it amazing how there are products today that say two in one and three in one. Shampoo and Conditioner. Shampoo, Conditioner and Anti Dandruff. But what I also find amazing is how specialized products are becoming. The once popular soap for the hair has evolved into shampoo, and if that’s not enough there’s conditioner and if that isn’t enough there’s shampoo for each kind of hair, and then there’s a shampoo for all kinds of hair. There’s a soap for your hands, soap for your legs, soap for your ..ahem.. special parts, soap for the dishes and soap for the laundry. So many different kinds of soaps have evolved and for a human to function with a bare minimum, you have to have at least 6 kinds of soaps. Even cream; there’s hand cream, there’s face cream, there’s anti-aging cream there’s body cream, there’s lubricant cream. The diversity is just amazing. Perhaps that’s why two in one and three in one items have in turn evolved. There’s a need to simplify the products, to eliminate all the diversities found in the multitude of soap. There’s a need to re-instate the items that could be bought for general use.
Now as we continue to evolve, more and more subsections of products will appear, and yet that in itself will allow for more and more generalizations to make their way to our hands. So today we have the two in one and three in one, in ten years we’ll have the nine in one and ten in one, in 2 decades we would have reached the thirty in one and perhaps by the time I’m ready to leave this world I would have witnessed the forty five in one hair shampoo, which is effectively the equivalent of the first shampoo when it first came out.
Now as we continue to evolve, more and more subsections of products will appear, and yet that in itself will allow for more and more generalizations to make their way to our hands. So today we have the two in one and three in one, in ten years we’ll have the nine in one and ten in one, in 2 decades we would have reached the thirty in one and perhaps by the time I’m ready to leave this world I would have witnessed the forty five in one hair shampoo, which is effectively the equivalent of the first shampoo when it first came out.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
A Death Perspective
Death is not what we see in the movies. I know I’m stating an obvious truth, but the thing is that it struck me when I realized what death in real life is all about. In the movies we see people dying, bombs exploding, bodies flying and blood splatter. It’s horrific, it really is. It’s heartbreaking and it’s very intense. Sometimes we see the agony of people dying slowly and their loved ones surrounding them, and it’s also agonizing to watch. But the thing is, except if you’re in a war battle seeing all these things or walking in on someone who has fallen ill all of a sudden, death is not as direct as all that. Death is a piece of news and that is all. The most gruesome part of this piece of news is that you’re not provided with pictures and vision, you’re just given a piece of information. You are told that you will not see the person you love alive again and that sometime while you were doing something, this person’s life ended. The piece of news leaves you so void, void of knowing what happened exactly, void of imagination and the things that go on in your head are ghastly since they are left to your imagination. This piece of news left you void because you could not see it coming, it just happens and you cannot rewind and pay attention to the last time you spoke that person. You cannot rewind and do things differently; you cannot rewind and appreciate things differently.
Death in the end is a piece of news, that’s what it really is. It doesn’t go like the movies where you see what happens and hope for things not to take a worse turn. You’re provided with the end first, that the person is dead, and all you can do is flashback to what might have happened because you cannot change a thing that has passed.
I would change the famous saying by John Lennon to, “Death is what happens to you while making other plans.” It is just so invasive and so unreal. Sometimes you can just hear a piece of news and not want to believe it, and yet it is so real in our hearts. How can words without any sort of vision cause such great sorrow? Death as we experience it is just words, just news, and yet when it’s a loved one, it strikes us more powerfully than any other vision could.
Death in the end is a piece of news, that’s what it really is. It doesn’t go like the movies where you see what happens and hope for things not to take a worse turn. You’re provided with the end first, that the person is dead, and all you can do is flashback to what might have happened because you cannot change a thing that has passed.
I would change the famous saying by John Lennon to, “Death is what happens to you while making other plans.” It is just so invasive and so unreal. Sometimes you can just hear a piece of news and not want to believe it, and yet it is so real in our hearts. How can words without any sort of vision cause such great sorrow? Death as we experience it is just words, just news, and yet when it’s a loved one, it strikes us more powerfully than any other vision could.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Cultural Demands
Some of our views about culture have been skewed. Culture isn't always a good thing, not old culture anyway, it is only a reflection of times that certain communities lived in. So if we're talking about promoting our culture and all that then we have to be very clear on what we're promoting and why we're promoting it.
The skewed view of culture is that we have to promote it and adhere to it and find ourselves in it. We have to fight the world we're living in that will take away our culture from us, but that's not true. I simply disagree with getting out of our way to live inside a dying culture. Remember it... certainly, but fight change and live it? That doesn't sound right. The problem is globalisation and we're not okay with mean beastly western countries infiltrating our lives, but I guess they already have, and they have integrated their new cultures with ours. You see it's new for them as well, but they're the ones that have created it and spread it, our resentment comes from the fact that we are unable to spread our culture in a manner that everyone adheres to.
So you say, that's the whole point, spreading our culture, and I'll repeat my definition, culture is but a reflection, and we have not had a great enough effect on the world for culture to reflect our contributions. We're like people who have had good memories in a certain place and revisit it to relive it. It fails because times are changing, and reality is what it is. We cannot reincarnate the mood we felt in a certain cafe down a certain street if that mood has changed, we can only remember it, describe it and love it.
We must remember that we are creating a culture that is shaped by our reactions to the world we live in. I don’t think that the world of today can live by yesterday’s culture, and whether we choose to admit it or not, our culture has changed, because our world has changed.
Now language is a very good example, and you cannot blame parents for wanting to give their children a real edge in this world rather than patriotically holding on to ways of old. I mean I don’t mind people knowing Arabic very well, but if you think about the world these days, more information is accessible via the English language. More people who contribute to the world use English as a means of communicating their contributions.
The primary aim of a language is communication with the other, right? Well it has several other functions, but what I mean to say is that sometimes better communication is desirable. We can see many English and foreign words making their way to Arabic, and the opposite is true, foreign words in English and Arabic words in English. Like the word “Malesh”, added as oxford's word of the day, it’s expressive.
I know that this may seem like an over simplification, but it’s not, it’s just a different perspective. Some people think of language as an identity. Well there are those who have not been raised in Egypt and speak Arabic as their second language. Is their identity lost due to their weak Arabic? I personally believe that searching for your identity within a set of predefined moulds is highly over-rated. People search for an identity for a whole lifetime and they try to find it in language, country or culture, and while all these are factors involved in an identity, they are all involved but they’re not defining, they all must revolve around one major element that harnesses their power… values.
An English speaking Egyptian with an Egyptian sense of humor, does it change his identity? That’s who he is. You define who you are, your circumstances, your values, your choices; I think that people way often search for what their identity should be like rather than find out what it is.
To make a long story longer, it’s good to be proud of our heritage, it’s good to be proud of our language, but let’s not lie about the influence of things in our life. Our culture is a reflection of how we handle things in today’s world, how we balance out our values. So when a child speaks in English, it’s not debasing our culture, he’s just responding to a cultural demand, if we really want our culture to be spread, it must be necessary and if we want it to be necessary we need to contribute more to the world.
The skewed view of culture is that we have to promote it and adhere to it and find ourselves in it. We have to fight the world we're living in that will take away our culture from us, but that's not true. I simply disagree with getting out of our way to live inside a dying culture. Remember it... certainly, but fight change and live it? That doesn't sound right. The problem is globalisation and we're not okay with mean beastly western countries infiltrating our lives, but I guess they already have, and they have integrated their new cultures with ours. You see it's new for them as well, but they're the ones that have created it and spread it, our resentment comes from the fact that we are unable to spread our culture in a manner that everyone adheres to.
So you say, that's the whole point, spreading our culture, and I'll repeat my definition, culture is but a reflection, and we have not had a great enough effect on the world for culture to reflect our contributions. We're like people who have had good memories in a certain place and revisit it to relive it. It fails because times are changing, and reality is what it is. We cannot reincarnate the mood we felt in a certain cafe down a certain street if that mood has changed, we can only remember it, describe it and love it.
We must remember that we are creating a culture that is shaped by our reactions to the world we live in. I don’t think that the world of today can live by yesterday’s culture, and whether we choose to admit it or not, our culture has changed, because our world has changed.
Now language is a very good example, and you cannot blame parents for wanting to give their children a real edge in this world rather than patriotically holding on to ways of old. I mean I don’t mind people knowing Arabic very well, but if you think about the world these days, more information is accessible via the English language. More people who contribute to the world use English as a means of communicating their contributions.
The primary aim of a language is communication with the other, right? Well it has several other functions, but what I mean to say is that sometimes better communication is desirable. We can see many English and foreign words making their way to Arabic, and the opposite is true, foreign words in English and Arabic words in English. Like the word “Malesh”, added as oxford's word of the day, it’s expressive.
I know that this may seem like an over simplification, but it’s not, it’s just a different perspective. Some people think of language as an identity. Well there are those who have not been raised in Egypt and speak Arabic as their second language. Is their identity lost due to their weak Arabic? I personally believe that searching for your identity within a set of predefined moulds is highly over-rated. People search for an identity for a whole lifetime and they try to find it in language, country or culture, and while all these are factors involved in an identity, they are all involved but they’re not defining, they all must revolve around one major element that harnesses their power… values.
An English speaking Egyptian with an Egyptian sense of humor, does it change his identity? That’s who he is. You define who you are, your circumstances, your values, your choices; I think that people way often search for what their identity should be like rather than find out what it is.
To make a long story longer, it’s good to be proud of our heritage, it’s good to be proud of our language, but let’s not lie about the influence of things in our life. Our culture is a reflection of how we handle things in today’s world, how we balance out our values. So when a child speaks in English, it’s not debasing our culture, he’s just responding to a cultural demand, if we really want our culture to be spread, it must be necessary and if we want it to be necessary we need to contribute more to the world.
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Who's Bigger
Once upon a time John Lennon said, "We're more popular than Jesus now."
Well these days everything's bigger than Jesus. I mean John Lennon could have meant it in more ways than one, but it seems to remain true in one form or the other. It's not that anything will outlast religion or God really, it's just that in the simple choices we have to make in our everyday life, many things will outweigh God. Religion is big in most ways, but perhaps for most people it fails the size test in the most critical application, the application of religion for choice.
Jesus taught people to love their enemies, forgive those who harm them, love their neighbors as they love themselves, to be humble, to be concerned with the salvation of their soul rather than their body.. and so on ... and so on.. But I won’t discuss all what Jesus taught. I will support my case (and Lennon’s too) by showing how many things are bigger than Jesus.
When you have an enemy, do you love them or is hate bigger? When you’ve been wronged do you forgive or is revenge bigger? When someone needs something, do you give or is your self bigger? When you can gain something do you take the straightest path or is your need bigger? When you have a choice between charity and a Beatles concert, do you donate the money or are the Beatles bigger?
Yes for most of the people living these days the Beatles are bigger. It’s good to know about God and all that but when you’re running a country, politics is bigger. It’s good to sympathize with the other and love them as yourself, but when it’s about laws and politics.. need I say more?
A few decades ago John Lennon stirred the whole world but today could anyone stir it in the same way with such a comment? (Well of course it is possible and a lively example would be Moses these days rather than Jesus, cause it will be claimed anti-Semitic) My point is simple, most of the world kicks religion out of their schools, it’s okay to believe but just don’t have it mixed up with the things that matter. Jesus is big, but don’t compare him to anything in the practical world.
So where do love, forgiveness, charity, selflessness, humility and patience go? They disappear in the practical realm. Sometimes it’s just natural to put all good things aside when bad things happen. When we see Lebanese children dying, how can we love an enemy? Hate is bigger. When we see tyranny how can we have patience and faith? Vengeance is bigger. When we can hurt our enemies how can we have mercy? Justice is bigger. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s sad and it hurts, but in the practical realm the Beatles are bigger.
Tony Blair was criticized for saying that he believes in God and that he prayed, why? Because God has become smaller in the eyes of the world. But things seem small from a distance, don’t they?
W.
Well these days everything's bigger than Jesus. I mean John Lennon could have meant it in more ways than one, but it seems to remain true in one form or the other. It's not that anything will outlast religion or God really, it's just that in the simple choices we have to make in our everyday life, many things will outweigh God. Religion is big in most ways, but perhaps for most people it fails the size test in the most critical application, the application of religion for choice.
Jesus taught people to love their enemies, forgive those who harm them, love their neighbors as they love themselves, to be humble, to be concerned with the salvation of their soul rather than their body.. and so on ... and so on.. But I won’t discuss all what Jesus taught. I will support my case (and Lennon’s too) by showing how many things are bigger than Jesus.
When you have an enemy, do you love them or is hate bigger? When you’ve been wronged do you forgive or is revenge bigger? When someone needs something, do you give or is your self bigger? When you can gain something do you take the straightest path or is your need bigger? When you have a choice between charity and a Beatles concert, do you donate the money or are the Beatles bigger?
Yes for most of the people living these days the Beatles are bigger. It’s good to know about God and all that but when you’re running a country, politics is bigger. It’s good to sympathize with the other and love them as yourself, but when it’s about laws and politics.. need I say more?
A few decades ago John Lennon stirred the whole world but today could anyone stir it in the same way with such a comment? (Well of course it is possible and a lively example would be Moses these days rather than Jesus, cause it will be claimed anti-Semitic) My point is simple, most of the world kicks religion out of their schools, it’s okay to believe but just don’t have it mixed up with the things that matter. Jesus is big, but don’t compare him to anything in the practical world.
So where do love, forgiveness, charity, selflessness, humility and patience go? They disappear in the practical realm. Sometimes it’s just natural to put all good things aside when bad things happen. When we see Lebanese children dying, how can we love an enemy? Hate is bigger. When we see tyranny how can we have patience and faith? Vengeance is bigger. When we can hurt our enemies how can we have mercy? Justice is bigger. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s sad and it hurts, but in the practical realm the Beatles are bigger.
Tony Blair was criticized for saying that he believes in God and that he prayed, why? Because God has become smaller in the eyes of the world. But things seem small from a distance, don’t they?
W.
Friday, July 28, 2006
I Harbor a Fear
I mean it’s not such an imminent fear, but it’s a thought that made its way to my reckoning after the statement Al-Qaida made that it will not sit idle while Israel continues to kill people in Lebanon. It’s obvious things are going relatively well for Hizbollah against Israel and I think Al-Qaida wants to support a winning battle. So long as Hizbollah stands its ground, there is room for some sort of victory.
Let me emphasize something, I’m not a political analyst and for all I know these expectations may not even be feasible but my politically mediocre reasoning has opened my eyes to certain possibilities. There may be a remote chance that the many resistance forces will join together, united by their hate to Israel even more than they are separated from each other by major ideological conflicts. This may even result in their gradual sovereignty over various strips of the region. This of course means that they will have acquired a victory over Israel and hence the USA. But the question is, what will they do with victory? We have seen Israel acting ruthless, even within boundaries of international law, fighting on many fronts, politically and militarily, but how will those resistance forces act?
Let us not forget that they will not be answering to international law, they will not be under constraints of doing what is acceptable, they have been under occupation, humiliation, attack and repression for more than they can remember, what will they do when they get power? The fight might later on be between Hizbollah, Fath, Hamas and Al-Qaida for dominance but what if that’s all worked out and they have power?
This is my fear, that such a situation happens. Perhaps the only thing worse than Israel winning this fight against the resistance, is losing heavily. When you’ve been cruelly treated for years on end, all that will differ is the power changing hand, but by that time the world might see even more cruelty than it has ever seen, perhaps even a second holocaust. If power goes to the wrong hands, the whole world might end up living in terror. If Hizbollah chooses to defend itself in the same way that Israel chose, then there will be attacks on innocent Israelis for what their government did, attacks on innocent Americans for what their government did and attacks on the innocent for what the guilty did. The excuse can be as absurd as Israel’s and America’s, the right to defend oneself.
You see the problem is that when a tyrant battles a tyrant, the world cannot take sides, it can only wait to see who wins. The problem is that the USA as a super power has wasted its chance of gaining support from anyone by becoming a tyrant, for now it is the strong tyrant but if it’s defeated, it becomes a strong tyrant that does not have support. What I mean to say is that the USA does not have the option of doing the right thing anymore because it has proven that it cannot. So when the time comes and if extreme cruelty is displayed by Hizbollah upon victory, the USA cannot act as the world leader or a savior. It wasted its chance to play that role by tarnishing its history.
The problem is that no one will come to the aid of Israel who has bullied the international community for so long. No one that has been picked on will help a bully up. Israel has bought its support rather than earned it, but once the purchasing power ceases there will be no more support, so far Israel is counting on the USA for all of its support, and that’s putting all your eggs in one basket if you ask me. So if Israel faces a defeat and the USA cannot pull it out of the hole, then there’s no one else who will.
How will life be with chaos and with people doing all they want to do? We already know that no one cares about the Lebanese people, but who else is on the list of expendables?
When good fights evil, good will win eventually. When evil fights evil, evil will have to win. No one will support a tyrant when he loses. So I guess that’s the sad thing about being evil, that when you lose, no one will be there for you, so if you’re evil you’d better win.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Lebanon
I don't have anything new to say, but then again this is my blog and luckily not many people will waste their time reading the same old crap. I never cared for politics, not in a very detailed manner anyway, but I've always been interested in the social implications of politics, you know the kind of thing that affects people in their daily life. The kind of long term feelings they get when they go through certain ordeals.
The rise of bitter nations, that is inevitable. The same thing that terrorist are doing today are USA and Israel's philosophy. Let's examine this. Going over to the other's land and killing innocent people for something others have done. Twin Towers, Lebanon, Gazza.. it makes no difference, it's the same act performed by a different terrorist each time, and each terrorist has an excuse, protecting my people, protecting my interests, doing God's will, revenge.. it's all the same really. It's bad enough that we have terrorist individuals, we now have terrorist governments.
America continues to blatantly support the killing of innocent people for crimes that might have originated from places surrounding them. Now does that make any sense? Of course it says Israel has a right to defend itself, but how is killing innocent people defending itself? Israel says that it has military targets.. yeah right!! It has military targets alright, targets to be acheived rather than targets to be destroyed.
Let's apply some more of the absurd principles going on. An American kills my livestock, I go invade America and punish all Americans. A Syrian calls me a bad name, I go around breaking the legs of every friend he knows. An organization hurts me, I go attack the country of its origin. I'm not a politician, but to a normal human being that just doesn't make sense.
The excuses are no longer working anymore, the foul smell of bullshit is becoming more intense as time goes by, but the worst thing is that this will have great impacts on the USA itself. With the passing of time more and more people will hate the USA and in times of its weakness no one will have mercy, and believe you me, there always comes a time of weakness.
There is hate inside people's hearts and hate leads to desperate measures. If America expects to support attack on innocent people for crimes they did not commit they should expect the same to happen to their own people. But then again it did happen to their people and that's why they're taking revenge on innocent people, unable to capture the real culprits.
Now I know Israel is the culprit and all that, but America is the stronger nation, the one with more power, and rather than be a peacemaker, it chose to bully everyone around. I actually feel sorry for America, because by all calculations it loses. It loses its people's respect and it loses other people's respect. It loses its chance to do something great as the world leader and will go down in history as a tyrant. It already wasted its chance to be the fighter of terror by being a true terrorist. It terrorizes all other countries.
Fight terror with terror, is that the way it will be from now on? Is that what it's all about? I think that with all this fear, no one will be able to live. Despite idealists who say that USA doesn't have the right to abuse its power, I say that anyone with power has the right to use it in whatever way they want, but the consequences are what they must bear. The consequences of the misuse of power are evident in Iraq. When Saddam was gone, people were relieved and all that remained after he was gone was chaos. Is America the world's Saddam? I'm sure it's just that way for the Arabs, the rest of the world see America as sharp but minor pain.
Liars, tyrants and terrorists.. a government can be all these things.. and I think judging by Lebanon, two of them have.
How about Hizbullah.. it doesn't give a shit about Lebanese people, neither does Israel, they're a small price to pay for the targets that Hizbullah and Israel have, but to be honest, no body really gives a shit about Lebanese people. Hizbullah doesn't care about the muslims that are dying for no reason. The western world doesn't care about the Christians who have adopted a western culture. It's simple.. no body gives a damn. Casualties of war.. the care is left to those humanitarians who care about people's rights but are always internationally given no real power to make a difference. They're just given a bone to chew on while the wars continue. They're asked to make the rules and advise, they're no more than a leaf standing up to a storm.
No body gives a shit.. When true interests are at stake, no body cares..
I don't have anything new to say, but then again this is my blog and luckily not many people will waste their time reading the same old crap. I never cared for politics, not in a very detailed manner anyway, but I've always been interested in the social implications of politics, you know the kind of thing that affects people in their daily life. The kind of long term feelings they get when they go through certain ordeals.
The rise of bitter nations, that is inevitable. The same thing that terrorist are doing today are USA and Israel's philosophy. Let's examine this. Going over to the other's land and killing innocent people for something others have done. Twin Towers, Lebanon, Gazza.. it makes no difference, it's the same act performed by a different terrorist each time, and each terrorist has an excuse, protecting my people, protecting my interests, doing God's will, revenge.. it's all the same really. It's bad enough that we have terrorist individuals, we now have terrorist governments.
America continues to blatantly support the killing of innocent people for crimes that might have originated from places surrounding them. Now does that make any sense? Of course it says Israel has a right to defend itself, but how is killing innocent people defending itself? Israel says that it has military targets.. yeah right!! It has military targets alright, targets to be acheived rather than targets to be destroyed.
Let's apply some more of the absurd principles going on. An American kills my livestock, I go invade America and punish all Americans. A Syrian calls me a bad name, I go around breaking the legs of every friend he knows. An organization hurts me, I go attack the country of its origin. I'm not a politician, but to a normal human being that just doesn't make sense.
The excuses are no longer working anymore, the foul smell of bullshit is becoming more intense as time goes by, but the worst thing is that this will have great impacts on the USA itself. With the passing of time more and more people will hate the USA and in times of its weakness no one will have mercy, and believe you me, there always comes a time of weakness.
There is hate inside people's hearts and hate leads to desperate measures. If America expects to support attack on innocent people for crimes they did not commit they should expect the same to happen to their own people. But then again it did happen to their people and that's why they're taking revenge on innocent people, unable to capture the real culprits.
Now I know Israel is the culprit and all that, but America is the stronger nation, the one with more power, and rather than be a peacemaker, it chose to bully everyone around. I actually feel sorry for America, because by all calculations it loses. It loses its people's respect and it loses other people's respect. It loses its chance to do something great as the world leader and will go down in history as a tyrant. It already wasted its chance to be the fighter of terror by being a true terrorist. It terrorizes all other countries.
Fight terror with terror, is that the way it will be from now on? Is that what it's all about? I think that with all this fear, no one will be able to live. Despite idealists who say that USA doesn't have the right to abuse its power, I say that anyone with power has the right to use it in whatever way they want, but the consequences are what they must bear. The consequences of the misuse of power are evident in Iraq. When Saddam was gone, people were relieved and all that remained after he was gone was chaos. Is America the world's Saddam? I'm sure it's just that way for the Arabs, the rest of the world see America as sharp but minor pain.
Liars, tyrants and terrorists.. a government can be all these things.. and I think judging by Lebanon, two of them have.
How about Hizbullah.. it doesn't give a shit about Lebanese people, neither does Israel, they're a small price to pay for the targets that Hizbullah and Israel have, but to be honest, no body really gives a shit about Lebanese people. Hizbullah doesn't care about the muslims that are dying for no reason. The western world doesn't care about the Christians who have adopted a western culture. It's simple.. no body gives a damn. Casualties of war.. the care is left to those humanitarians who care about people's rights but are always internationally given no real power to make a difference. They're just given a bone to chew on while the wars continue. They're asked to make the rules and advise, they're no more than a leaf standing up to a storm.
No body gives a shit.. When true interests are at stake, no body cares..
Sunday, July 16, 2006
To a Country that Betrayed Me
Watching tele today I was watching the patriotic and sometimes patronizing “Raafat El Hagaan”. For those who don’t know, this is a spy series that was made somewhere around the mid eighties and it retells the true story of an Egyptian spy that was staying in Israel from somewhere in the fifties till the sometime in the seventies.
I say it’s sometimes patronizing because it isolates the viewers from some of the very negative aspects of life during these days. Yet the shock is that the details that it does portray are very accurate and not only that, but they are also guilty of being inspiring and uplifting. Some of the negative things were also portrayed accurately, but of course never enough to show what kind of torture the people living at that time endured.
I’m not writing this now to talk about the inaccuracies of the negatives, but about the inspiration of the positives. In one episode there was an account of how 28 Egyptian armed with light weaponry defeated a fully armored team of Israeli troops right after we were miserably defeated in ‘67. As I heard this on the show I gave a very sarcastic look and whimpered yeah right, do they expect us to believe that. I was surprised by my father’s response to my smirk. My father who was much more skeptical than I am that good things that may have happened or that might happen responded by authenticating this account. I said, “Did that actually happen?”, he said yes, it did happen. So I asked, “How’s that even possible?”. He replied, “I don’t know, but we didn’t really fight in 1967”. So the patriotic account wasn’t so patronizing I could see.
Then there was a scene describing how people were optimistic that we will fight again and attain a victory that will regain some of our demolished pride. Another “Yeah Right” was in order, but this time I chose to ask, “Could people who have been defeated so cruelly have had the will to believe in another fight?”. Yes. I wasn’t conned again, I’m telling you some of these things have a tendency to be true. I heard the words on that series with different ears, I heard of how hopeful people got and I remembered how dopeful others became. I heard how enthusiastic people got and I remembered how disappointed others became.
I’m not in a position to judge what happened back then, how people wanted to do something for their country, while others forsook their country. I’m not in a position to judge how well people handled the challenges, while others ran away. What I do know is that more and more people today have fled and betrayed the country. I know that many more are running away and many more are corrupting the country from within.
So let me not preach and invite all saying, “Let’s work together for each other”. I will not adopt a patriotic and patronizing tone. I will only say that sometimes people do great heroic things when motivated.
This isn’t a cry out to come together and be something. This isn’t a slogan I’m holding up for others to see. This is what has become, and this is what I have against a country that has betrayed its people. Most people in this country are oppressed, and when that changes it becomes a choice between oppressing and being oppressed; unfortunately most people choose oppressing . The people of this country have betrayed the people of this country. The elected have betrayed the electors. The country betrayed its countrymen.
Deprived of the right to live and the right to know, deprived of a right to choose and right to speak, deprived.. that’s all there is to it. We have been deprived of our freedom a long time ago and when we were given a chance to be free, we chose to give up that right.
Deprived, that’s how I can sum it all up. Those who can give never want to, and those who want to never can. But the worst part about all of this is that those who deprive us of our rights lose theirs as well. They are criminals that are always looking over their own shoulders, silencing their conscience every day, content with their devious behavior excusing it with the years of oppression they have faced. In seeking their own interest and neglecting others, they have neglected themselves too. They have deprived their own children or grand children of a better life to live in. We have deprived our children and grand children of a country that can take care of them.
We not only betrayed each other but we betrayed ourselves.
The real Raafat El Haggan
I say it’s sometimes patronizing because it isolates the viewers from some of the very negative aspects of life during these days. Yet the shock is that the details that it does portray are very accurate and not only that, but they are also guilty of being inspiring and uplifting. Some of the negative things were also portrayed accurately, but of course never enough to show what kind of torture the people living at that time endured.
I’m not writing this now to talk about the inaccuracies of the negatives, but about the inspiration of the positives. In one episode there was an account of how 28 Egyptian armed with light weaponry defeated a fully armored team of Israeli troops right after we were miserably defeated in ‘67. As I heard this on the show I gave a very sarcastic look and whimpered yeah right, do they expect us to believe that. I was surprised by my father’s response to my smirk. My father who was much more skeptical than I am that good things that may have happened or that might happen responded by authenticating this account. I said, “Did that actually happen?”, he said yes, it did happen. So I asked, “How’s that even possible?”. He replied, “I don’t know, but we didn’t really fight in 1967”. So the patriotic account wasn’t so patronizing I could see.
Then there was a scene describing how people were optimistic that we will fight again and attain a victory that will regain some of our demolished pride. Another “Yeah Right” was in order, but this time I chose to ask, “Could people who have been defeated so cruelly have had the will to believe in another fight?”. Yes. I wasn’t conned again, I’m telling you some of these things have a tendency to be true. I heard the words on that series with different ears, I heard of how hopeful people got and I remembered how dopeful others became. I heard how enthusiastic people got and I remembered how disappointed others became.
I’m not in a position to judge what happened back then, how people wanted to do something for their country, while others forsook their country. I’m not in a position to judge how well people handled the challenges, while others ran away. What I do know is that more and more people today have fled and betrayed the country. I know that many more are running away and many more are corrupting the country from within.
So let me not preach and invite all saying, “Let’s work together for each other”. I will not adopt a patriotic and patronizing tone. I will only say that sometimes people do great heroic things when motivated.
This isn’t a cry out to come together and be something. This isn’t a slogan I’m holding up for others to see. This is what has become, and this is what I have against a country that has betrayed its people. Most people in this country are oppressed, and when that changes it becomes a choice between oppressing and being oppressed; unfortunately most people choose oppressing . The people of this country have betrayed the people of this country. The elected have betrayed the electors. The country betrayed its countrymen.
Deprived of the right to live and the right to know, deprived of a right to choose and right to speak, deprived.. that’s all there is to it. We have been deprived of our freedom a long time ago and when we were given a chance to be free, we chose to give up that right.
Deprived, that’s how I can sum it all up. Those who can give never want to, and those who want to never can. But the worst part about all of this is that those who deprive us of our rights lose theirs as well. They are criminals that are always looking over their own shoulders, silencing their conscience every day, content with their devious behavior excusing it with the years of oppression they have faced. In seeking their own interest and neglecting others, they have neglected themselves too. They have deprived their own children or grand children of a better life to live in. We have deprived our children and grand children of a country that can take care of them.
We not only betrayed each other but we betrayed ourselves.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
I do not play football to be head-butted or insulted.
Yes I play football, and I enjoy the game but lately the game has turned into something else. At first it was about kicking the ball with your legs from place to place, in the old games you can feel a sense of caution with the players, the main object in the game was the ball. Then came more contact, the object became the opponent rather than the ball, skills valued less, fouls much more and the threshold for a foul was raised to very high standards such that a foul was given only if a player was assaulted, not just pushed or pulled. A foul meant the player had to fall face first to the ground. And then came psychological warfare, the game was a competition not only of skills but of nerves as well. Words were perfect for this psychological aspect of the game because you can say as much as you want to any other player and get away with it, of course this didn’t apply to the all so powerful referee. Then came violence without the presence of a ball, which was just plainly absurd but was allowed as long as you can get away with it.
The game has changed. The fact is that the game developed more than its guiding rules. With such weak rules to guide the game, the idea is now to get away with what you can. There’s chaos on the pitch and with only one referee to enforce an already flimsy set of rules, the whole game becomes a street fight, and the loser is the one who gets caught.
Let’s remember that it’s just a game, and professional or not I think I have rights while playing the game, but the real question is what are those rights and who will enforce them? I have the right not to be insulted during a game, I mean after all words can be very hurtful. I recall there things said by a man regarding the holocaust that sent him to jail. Words are very powerful, but what you say and when determines their power. I also have a right not to be pinched, punched or head butted. I mean this is a right of any human being.
I think that any sport should have these rules enforced really, I mean who said it’s more sportsmanly to insult players and less to head-butt them. In the case of football, I think the FIFA protects my right not to be head-butted, but it does not protect my right not to be insulted. Furthermore, the chances are you’ll be head-butted once during a game, but insulted all through-out. I don’t deny of course that you can be pinched, pushed and punched all throughout the game, given that no one sees it being done to you, but it’s all a matter of whether or not you’re caught.
Some say that words shouldn’t matter and that insults shouldn’t be taken seriously, but I’ve always thought that sports was about clean competition, ethics and fair play. It doesn’t really matter if some people think that insults and assaults are okay to bear because sports by tradition should be against this. I don’t think that I should suffer the assault of a head-butt or an insult during a game. But the funny thing is that some sports are violent, allowing for punches and kicks. I’ve yet to hear of a sport that endorses insults.
I don’t think anything warrants a head-butt, because after all, it’s just a game, but I don’t think that anything warrants an insult either, because after all, it’s just a game.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Empty Spaces
My mom asked me if my sister was in her room still sleeping or if she had gone out. I went into the dark room, staring strongly into the darkness and trying to use what little light coming from behind the curtains to determine if my sister was sleeping on her bed. For a moment I got confused, I didn't know if the form I saw before me was a human or was just a blanket crampled up and taking the shape that gave the impression of someone being there. As I looked onto the space, I found that it was infact my sister sleeping there.
I realized that it's very strange to look at empty spaces that can be filled with the mass of material that belongs to people we love. Staring at an empty bed is very different from staring at a bed that has its empty space filled by the presence of someone.
It is very strange that this small piece of matter of a human body that can easily be overlooked can make so much of a difference in your life, can generate great energy, can generate negative energy can make you cry, can make you laugh. Sometimes in life you may wake up to find that those empty spaces that were usually filled by people we love will never be filled by them again. The empty spaces that we stare upon will reflect an empty feeling in our hearts.
It's amazing how full an empty space can feel when there's someone there, and although an object like some pillows and a cover can give a similar effect or fill the same volume, it cannot affect us in the same way a person does. If we take the point of view of physics, it's just another volume of matter filled, from an emotional point of view the volume filled in our hearts can vary between zero and infinite, and I don't think physics can explain it.
Some spaces that we look upon, no matter how full can be so empty.
My mom asked me if my sister was in her room still sleeping or if she had gone out. I went into the dark room, staring strongly into the darkness and trying to use what little light coming from behind the curtains to determine if my sister was sleeping on her bed. For a moment I got confused, I didn't know if the form I saw before me was a human or was just a blanket crampled up and taking the shape that gave the impression of someone being there. As I looked onto the space, I found that it was infact my sister sleeping there.
I realized that it's very strange to look at empty spaces that can be filled with the mass of material that belongs to people we love. Staring at an empty bed is very different from staring at a bed that has its empty space filled by the presence of someone.
It is very strange that this small piece of matter of a human body that can easily be overlooked can make so much of a difference in your life, can generate great energy, can generate negative energy can make you cry, can make you laugh. Sometimes in life you may wake up to find that those empty spaces that were usually filled by people we love will never be filled by them again. The empty spaces that we stare upon will reflect an empty feeling in our hearts.
It's amazing how full an empty space can feel when there's someone there, and although an object like some pillows and a cover can give a similar effect or fill the same volume, it cannot affect us in the same way a person does. If we take the point of view of physics, it's just another volume of matter filled, from an emotional point of view the volume filled in our hearts can vary between zero and infinite, and I don't think physics can explain it.
Some spaces that we look upon, no matter how full can be so empty.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
A Situation
I'm more curious than anything to know what guys have to say about this situation, and what girls might say about it. It's a situation where you can often find yourself and somehow there's no right thing to do, because it really depends on who you are and who you're with.
You're a male, and for the purpose of making it fun, let's say you're not a big guy, not one of these body builders or tall athletic boxer types, just an average Joe really, but you're walking down the street of an Arab country like let's say Egypt or something. And yet more you're walking with a beautiful girl or some beautiful girls. Okay the plot thickens, you don't know these girls well enough, or better to say they don't know you well enough, but you know each other well enough to have some sort of mutual trust and respect.
Now that this part of the situation is clear, what would you do? What would you do if you found some guys hissing, teasing, following, staring at those girls that are left in your charge as you show them around the city, or take them out somewhere fun? What would you do if some guys on the street wouldn't stop mental harassment and wouldn't stop the pitiful sleezy comments, perhaps even ignoring your presence altogether? Would you ignore and act like you can't even see or hear? Would you you stop and make a point and talk to the guys? Would you talk nicely ? Would you talk roughly? Would you pick a fight? Would you act like you can hear them well and ignore it? How would you feel?
I don't have all the options written down, I'm open to original ideas of what a man should do if he's in these shoes. I know it differs from person to person, and it differs from girl to girl what she wants out of a guy she's walking with. How about the girls what would you want?
You see the point that makes it interesting is that who you're with are not total strangers for whome you have no concern, and they're not people who know you well enough to know what kind of person you are no matter how you handle it. It's a situation that gives you a chance to say in action what kind of person you are, or at least I think so..
It's just another random thought that ran through my head, and though the thought is worth contemplation in itself, I think this is one occassion where I'd like to listen more than tell.
I'm more curious than anything to know what guys have to say about this situation, and what girls might say about it. It's a situation where you can often find yourself and somehow there's no right thing to do, because it really depends on who you are and who you're with.
You're a male, and for the purpose of making it fun, let's say you're not a big guy, not one of these body builders or tall athletic boxer types, just an average Joe really, but you're walking down the street of an Arab country like let's say Egypt or something. And yet more you're walking with a beautiful girl or some beautiful girls. Okay the plot thickens, you don't know these girls well enough, or better to say they don't know you well enough, but you know each other well enough to have some sort of mutual trust and respect.
Now that this part of the situation is clear, what would you do? What would you do if you found some guys hissing, teasing, following, staring at those girls that are left in your charge as you show them around the city, or take them out somewhere fun? What would you do if some guys on the street wouldn't stop mental harassment and wouldn't stop the pitiful sleezy comments, perhaps even ignoring your presence altogether? Would you ignore and act like you can't even see or hear? Would you you stop and make a point and talk to the guys? Would you talk nicely ? Would you talk roughly? Would you pick a fight? Would you act like you can hear them well and ignore it? How would you feel?
I don't have all the options written down, I'm open to original ideas of what a man should do if he's in these shoes. I know it differs from person to person, and it differs from girl to girl what she wants out of a guy she's walking with. How about the girls what would you want?
You see the point that makes it interesting is that who you're with are not total strangers for whome you have no concern, and they're not people who know you well enough to know what kind of person you are no matter how you handle it. It's a situation that gives you a chance to say in action what kind of person you are, or at least I think so..
It's just another random thought that ran through my head, and though the thought is worth contemplation in itself, I think this is one occassion where I'd like to listen more than tell.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Every time I look at an old woman
Every time I look at an old woman my thoughts always drift to what kind of old woman my wife would make. I mean, just looking at an old woman, triggers some of these thoughts. Some old women take care of themselves real well. I see pride and femininity in their eyes and in their gestures. Other women seem to have lost all connection with their feminine side, they just seem to want to exist in whatever form they can without paying any heed to their true nature.
But looking at certain old ladies makes me sad, they are these women who used to take pride in how they look and what they do, but somehow the air around them tells you that they’ve been worn down by life. In their eyes you can see so much has not gone their way.
I’ve heard that girls turn out to be like their mothers eventually, now whether or not this is true, I do not know, but this theory sometimes stirs an obsession inside me to see how a fine young woman’s mother looks like. I keep thinking, the mother is the kind of woman I’ll end up with if I marry this girl. Sometimes the contrast is so big that it’s hard to draw the lines from the image of a young girl to match her future portrayed in her mother, but at other times the lines that lead from this to that are so clear.
It does seem selfish to look so far into the future because when love hits, it shouldn’t matter how the person is going to be, but somehow in the absence of love I’m left with only logical speculation of which the future is an integral part.
It still seems odd that I incubate such thoughts since I have not yet decided eternal commitment, but everyone doesn’t mind looking through a window to the future right? I guess I’m just making up my own windows.
Every time I look at an old woman my thoughts always drift to what kind of old woman my wife would make. I mean, just looking at an old woman, triggers some of these thoughts. Some old women take care of themselves real well. I see pride and femininity in their eyes and in their gestures. Other women seem to have lost all connection with their feminine side, they just seem to want to exist in whatever form they can without paying any heed to their true nature.
But looking at certain old ladies makes me sad, they are these women who used to take pride in how they look and what they do, but somehow the air around them tells you that they’ve been worn down by life. In their eyes you can see so much has not gone their way.
I’ve heard that girls turn out to be like their mothers eventually, now whether or not this is true, I do not know, but this theory sometimes stirs an obsession inside me to see how a fine young woman’s mother looks like. I keep thinking, the mother is the kind of woman I’ll end up with if I marry this girl. Sometimes the contrast is so big that it’s hard to draw the lines from the image of a young girl to match her future portrayed in her mother, but at other times the lines that lead from this to that are so clear.
It does seem selfish to look so far into the future because when love hits, it shouldn’t matter how the person is going to be, but somehow in the absence of love I’m left with only logical speculation of which the future is an integral part.
It still seems odd that I incubate such thoughts since I have not yet decided eternal commitment, but everyone doesn’t mind looking through a window to the future right? I guess I’m just making up my own windows.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Every time I look at an old man
Every time I look at an old man my thoughts always drift to what kind of old man I’d make.
It really scares me to think that at my old age I will be incapable of dealing with the world.It scares me when I see a poor old man, finding difficulties to cope with this life. If he’s a man with simple knowledge and a simple job, I keep wondering about what kind of life he had, the choices he made, the kind of thinking he thought to be where he is now. It’s like looking on at my own future and it triggers me to think of things I need to do and things I need to be. Perhaps it reminds me that I should never be too arrogant no matter how good life gets because nothing ever lasts.
Whenever I see a charming and wise old man, I’m inspired. I’m inspired to become a man of charm and influence; a man capable of leaving an impression upon meeting a stranger, an impression that would last the stranger a lifetime. I’m inspired to work, to think and hope. I keep wondering though about what that man did or was doing all his life to reach the point of being a remarkable old man. Was it something about his job, was it something about his attitude or was it pure luck. Do some men get better with age, while others burn out? Which one am I?
I would like to become a marvelous old person.. just someone who would leave an impression on you if you'd met him that would last you a lifetime.
It seems rather absurd though to think all these thoughts as a young man, not knowing whether I will continue to live even for just a few days much less a whole lifetime. I know it seems strange because there remains a lot to do before reaching that stage, many more stages and many more phases. But that’s what’s triggered in my head when I see an old man, partly because I believe that the only thing that death is incapable of taking away from you is the person you become. Death can take you, but it cannot take away your past or who you were while you were on a brief visit to life.
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