The Ultimate New Year’s Resolution

I’m going to quit smoking and start taking care of my health. I’ll be easy on the fast food, and eat more salad and fruit. I’ll stop lying and be more honest. I’ll stop cussing and be more eloquent. I’ll try and exercise more, I’ll go to the gym three times a week, I’ll try and work out no matter how busy I get. I won’t let work stress me out and I’ll always make sure to have some more me time. If I travel too much I’ll try to cut down, if I travel too little, I’ll arrange for more trips to see the world. If I work too much I’ll try to cut down and focus on the things that count, if I work too little I’ll stop being a lazy bum and work hard.

I’ll try and put goals before me that I can achieve, I’ll work hard towards all goals I aim to achieve. I’ll get closer to God and pray more often, I’ll stop believing in myth and dogma and be true to myself and be more open about my atheism. I’ll be slow to anger and lose my temper because I lose so much, I’ll learn how to express my anger rather than keeping it bottled up because I end up losing a lot when I keep everything in. I’ll tell people I love that I love them more often, I’ll stop being mushy and telling people that I love them so much.

I’ll spend more time on making music and take it seriously. I’ll finish a book and publish it. I’ll read more and become more informed. I’ll read about human rights and politics and start to care about global problems. I’ll give more to charity. I’ll be the loving son or daughter or husband or wife that people expect me to be. I’ll buy that SLR camera I wanted to buy for so long because I love photography. I’ll cut down on cola and soft drinks. I’ll stop doing the wild things I always do and settle down. I’ve been afraid to live for so long and I’ll start trying out new things that I’ve never tried before.

I’ll find a partner that I feel happy with, I’ll end the abusive relationship that I’m in, I’ll try and work things out with my partner because I’ve screwed up big time recently. I’ll watch all the good movies I’ve been meaning to watch, I’ll listen to all the good music I’ve been meaning to listen to. I’ll be better off. I’ll try my best at whatever I attempt. I will stop having a negative attitude and will start loving myself. I’ll quit wearing those pink colored shades that make everything seem so fantastic.

I’ll write more and talk less. I’ll think before I act. I’ll talk more when I feel misunderstood. I’ll find a way to communicate to others. I’ll make my life better. I’ll talk less on the phone, I’ll print less paper, litter less, walk more and use the car less. I’ll start to care about the things worth caring for, and fighting the fights worth fighting.

I’ll learn to play an instrument. I’ll learn a new language. I’ll visit an exotic place. I’ll finally learn to swim. I’ll be more patient with things I want, I’ll be less hesitant more assertive. I’ll make myself happy, I’ll make others happy. I’ll be more tolerant, I’ll nag less. I’ll help others some more. I’ll learn to like people more, I’ll stop being a push over. I'll stop all my annoying habits and try and look for fabulous traits. I’ll try and talk some more to people, I’ll try to experience something new. I’ll try new foods and cuisines. I’ll try new drinks. I’ll quit drinking. I’ll try magic mushrooms, I’ll quit hash, drugs and chemicals. I’ll put away all my meaningless fears, I won’t fall into depression. I won’t lose hope and I’ll be more courageous. I’ll love more, hate less. I’ll forgive more. I’ll learn more things. I’ll stop and smell the roses. I’ll be a good friend.

In short I’ll get rid of all the shit, start doing all the good.

I’m so glad the new year’s here so that I get a chance to make this resolution. I couldn’t have done it on any other day!